I Don't Care Why You're Leaving, You'll Miss Me When You're Gone.

     Well. A few of you saw, some of you didn't, but I went through some hell with "The Man". I don't care to recall it all, but I'm sure glad those 5 days are over! I got things from everyone's point of view. Like not to ever speak to him again, or how I deserve better, and so on. In my thoughts, you shouldn't ever say that about someone. The people that said it, love me, and care, but they are only hearing what I feel in the moment. They probably don't know all the perfect things about him. A lot just supported me, helped me rationalize, and let me make my own decisions. My parents and I are beyond closer because of it. I feel like it was a complete God thing, for multiple reasons. I learned things, I found him in it, and I found my parents through it. Most know it's taken me a very long time to be able to love and appreciate them. This was like the concrete drying. Would I do it the same way if I did it again? No. In events following, I've learned things I wish I knew when it occurred.

     I've had plenty of bad mood days, sad days, frustrated days, and then a few happy. But lately the happy have been more and more occurring. I've had random strangers reach out and chase conversation to help me out. You never know what will happen when things go places you hadn't ever planned.

     School.... I'm mostly managing. I have a rough history class that makes me read 30-40pgs a week. We all know Jenn is. not. a reader. I had a psych test, C, a Art test, which I didn't get the grade, but I feel pretty confident on. Personal Conditioning is nice and easy, simply 30 minutes of cardio twice a week. Great stuff. Spanish, too much homework. I didn't finish it all last chapter, so I should work on that probably! I made ....one friend in History. Nice guy. We work on homework together. Helps us both as neither enjoys reading!

     Work? Oh that's another story. I love it if I arrive in a good mood. And usually if I'm in a bad mood it lifts it. Some days though, it just takes everything I have. Hosting is my least favorite. I don't like fake smiling, and I hate staying in my little square at the front door. Bussing and food running is the best. I'm always moving, there's always something to do, and no work to do before I leave. Serving, it's ok. I make cash right then and there, but I have to roll silverware and clean. By the time I get to that point, I'm so tired I can't count sugars right! Expo-ing is fine. But it's just straight hourly, so I make less. Not to mention the cooks don't like being shouted at by a small person. I get hours after hours. So my feet need a break, which they rarely get.

One Day At A Time.

     I'm managing the school great, about to start my training, which will relieve more stress, because my tactics aren't the most effective. Probably under eating is the cause, but with the amounts I eat, it makes me sick to think about eating any more. The more I eat, the more tempting it is to move. Which I try to resist.
     Plenty of relationship bumps, which get me worse than anything. It's all new to me, as most know it's my first relationship, so I just hit the floor on my knees to pray he's patient and strong as I weed through my life and that I stay strong as he works on his. I could write forever about why I like him, but no one wants to hear the cutsie stuff, seems like just the crap.
     Classes aren't as bad as I anticipated. Of course I probably say that now and then these deadlines will hit and I'll be in the hole. But let's pray that doesn't happen. All I can ask for are prayers as I try to figure out me, and my life. :-)

Stretched a Little Too Thin.

     School started back up on Friday. I'm doing back to back classes 8-1:30. Not even that many hours. 13.... but I can tell right now that between everything I'm doing, I'm headed for a wall. I feel like, the first couple weeks will be the hardest, but once I get a hang of how the teachers are and the homework load, I'll be better equipped to take on the rest of the semester.
     I got my alcohol serving permit today, and unfortunately, I'm back to being a server. It's not that people are rude, they seldom are, but the job is very stressful to me. I'm exhausted from serving people for four hours, then I have to clean, roll silverware, etc. If I buss, host, or something of that sort, I work, and I leave. It's much more enjoyable. I had a man say he was going to get me a job at my gym, which... those things are always in the air. You never know if they'll come through for you. But if he does, you bet I'm out of that restaurant as fast as I can be. So.... I have full time school, full time work... which work is about to get much more stressful. They want me to serve the busiest nights. Logically, that's when they need me, but I'm a terrible PM server. I'm not a night person. I expressed this, and well, it wasn't taken into consideration. But hey, when I get talked to because I have a bad tip % or something of the sort.... I tried to tell them.
     The gym. We know I would build a cot in the corner if I could. But I can't. I've actually cut 2 days out that I'm not going anymore. GASP! :-) I just go 4 days to lift. Which, right now, is going to be all I can fit in! I'm on a bulk, eating like a growing teenager (I guess technically I am!), and I'm now a member of "Team 3dmj" a coaching group. All online, my coach lives in Ca, and I'm hoping to do some competing. People think that it's inappropriate, or that it's gross, and I say to each his own. But.... this is my hobby. People invest a lot in a set of golf clubs, or a new saddle. I invest in coaching, and things of that sort. And I love it. I'm working on consolidating my eating and cooking time as it's taking an hour or two/day to do it all, but I now have the first opportunity ever, to smash my college cafeteria! I've always wanted to have a ravenous lunch there, and now I can!
     The boyfriend. If I had one, in front of my face, all the time, I'd be a fail of a girlfriend. I simply have no time in my day to try to see someone. This is why it's just fine that I don't have friends, and I don't hang out with people. I have no time to! Everyone asks with a skeptical tone "how's the long distance thing?" Well.... it sucks beyond belief. I'm a huge complainer, and I'm stressed beyond my own understanding, but.... at the same time, it's great. Do I see him? Yep, every couple of days. Do I wish it were in person? Of course. Would I be able to be dedicated if he were here? No. And that's why it works.
     So....... I have homework. I have a full time job. I have physique goals. I have a man to give time to. I don't have the time to do it all. I'm finding myself praying a lot these days that I can breathe for a moment, because I kid you not, I've cried, or taken out plenty of stress on someone everyday for about the past week. It's not who I am, and I don't like it. I can also add, that feeling fat, and full, and bloated all the time, really adds to the junky feeling. Life will go on. I will make it. But for now, I will just be stressed, and stretched, and hope that I find an OK balance in the near future.

WO vids :-)

I had already done 3x15... this was a set just to video because my videor forgot to turn on the camera :-) 12 @115

5 @ 130

5 @ 125

5@ 115

And a New Year Begins.

     Every year I set new goals. Not resolutions... I don't feel like those are generally kept. I set attainable, and healthy goals that I feel should happen within a year. Last years....

1. Get a job  ☑
2. Be more respectful (work in progress)  ☑
3. Pray for the world (via Operation World)
4. Go to CO  ☑
5. Pay my mom back (I owe her almost $1,000)
6. Graduate high school with a ≥3.5  ☑
7. Hug more (and longer :))  ☑

They are generally successful! This year?

1. Add 10lbs to my Barbell Row, Lat Pull Down, and Incline Bench
2. Retain my Bodyweight Bench Press
3. Start a true bulk
4. Appreciate people for the little things
5. Try making my own sammich bread.
6. Improve my verbal expression of my feelings.

     2011 brought SO much to me.. My first relationship, moving out, starting college, graduating high school, having a relationship with my parents, getting a job, going on my first vacation alone as an adult, and so much more. I've done things I regret, and I've done things I'm thankful I'm able to do. I've overcome eating issues, I've made new friends, I've lost friends, I've had a great year.
     I've grown away from God, which, saddens me as I look at how close I was just a year ago. I'll be back there when I'm ready. But I'm not ready right now.

Things I recommend from 2011?

1. Buy "21" (Adele)
2. Eat Peanut Butter Daily. It's the same effect as the apple a day ;-)
3. Go to church
4. Make your bed daily.
5. Get to where you like what you see in the mirror.
6. Realize that people don't owe you anything.
7. Be alright with not having "everything". Less is ok.
8. Take chances on people.
9. But "Sigh No More" (Mumford & Sons)
10. Don't love shallowly.. Put it all out there. You'll get hurt.. But it's more than worth it.
11. Let men open doors for you.
12. Don't feel guilty for what you eat. You have a very large margin for error.
13. Take a lot of pictures.
14. Take the time to walk outside.

Food, How I Love Thee!

     I just made the MOST amazing Sammich. Oh buddy. I felt like I was ....in Italy. I bought a panini press before I moved. I don't use it too much, but I really should more. It's epic! Mine's Breville, and you can change one of the plates to make it more of a flat pan kind of surface.
     I don't exactly remember where I came about the idea, and I've made them before, but I got a hankering for sammiches, so you're about to see some really good ones. Trial and error though. I wasn't shy with my ingredients; I used ciabatta, and fresh tomatoes, and fresh basil, and fresh mozz... ok it was ALL fresh!

Recipe?!

3.5 oz Ciabatta cut in half
2 Large Tomato Slices
3Tbs Tomato Basil Marinara Sauce
1 oz Mozz
3 Basil Leaves
2tsp Butter

Butter your bread, put sauce, then tomato, then cheese, then basil.
Press er! I could've gone longer to melt the cheese more, but I needed to turn my heat down if I was to do so.

Be ready to die while you chew :-)

Ab Roll Out Madness ;-)

So here are my ab roll outs :-) OUCH!