Shake It Out.

I came in here ready to write, and then I saw my first page with that Dr. Suess quote.

UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's Not.

     I'm choosing to care in my relationships, because some of them are hard on me sometimes. Or a lot of times. However, I'm learning that there are situations, where no matter how hard and much I care, I can't help it get any better. BUT then there are those great instances, where I care and exert effort, and the return is amazing for us both. That's when I'm reminded why it is I care. I spend a lot of days frustrated, but only on the inside. I know what people expect to see from me, and that's the smile I almost always have. One or two can tell you how my day's been, and one or two can tell that I'm at my ropes end. But more often than not my illusion is bought. There are some days though, where I don't even go for the illusion, I simply let it be known I'm dying on the inside. Which is exactly how the title of this blog came to be.. within community, I'm a lively and happy person. These days, that comes in the form of interaction with the cooks at work. One thing about that place, that I've never experienced in such a way, is a kind of unconditional understanding and love. No matter how mad I am, how hurt I am, or how frustrated I get, it's all better the next time I'm there. We just shake it out and hit the ground for another go. That's where I learn. Not everyone can go into the next day acting like something never happened and just letting it go. In most cases I can do that well! Every now and again, I need what happened to be acknowledged and handled. Usually I can't get anyone to do that though.

     

     I'm so happy to be back into my routine, at school, working out, and in life in general. It's supposed to be 80 here today, and I'm hoping to hit the trails on my bike. I need to move a little. Not to mention the 2 massive jonny cakes I ate at midnight :)

     Just so it's clear, I AM scared to move. I DO doubt my ability to support myself. And I DO pray a lot that God will provide money so I'm not living in fear.