Life Decisions Aren't Ever Easy.

     I love Tennessee. It's weather is perfection, I know how to get around, I've made friends that love me, I have a great job, I have parents here, I have a normal. I'm, like many, a creature of habit. Once thrown out of that, I'm anxious and uncomfortable sometimes, and I'm about to turn my normal and habits upside down. 8... I think 8, weeks until I leave, and a lot of moments, I think "I don't want to go." because I have so much here that I'm leaving.
     I realize people would probably be happy if I stayed, rather than thinking I'm a liar, but if I don't go, I feel as though I would regret that decision and always wonder what would've happened... There's a lot of great things there, and a chance to really become the adult people always see me as. My age/mind connection is normal to me, and to me, what I'm doing, is what eighteen yr olds do. I can see that plenty aren't like myself, but it doesn't make me feel like I'm not 18. However, when something large, like leaving everything comes up, and others really see someone that's not 18, I see myself as 18 more than ever. It occurs to me, that I'm very young, and to go far away, alone, isn't something someone my age does. If I stayed, I'd have more money than I could ever need when I step out of college.
     I went to work at 4:30 yesterday, clocked out at 7:30, hung out until 9:00, got asked to go pick something up, and in return I'd be clocked in another 2 hours, got back, and stood and talked to a chef for 2 hours, until 11:45. In that moment, when we were talking, I realize how much I love my life. Sure, I feel fat half the time, and I have rough days at work where I'm taking 5 hour energies, but in the end, I love my normal, and my atmosphere, and I constantly am worried I won't be able to regain that there. Then an inkling of a thought comes to me.... I look back at the blogs I made while I was there, and I realize that I made 4 friends in the 8 days I was there. That's more than I've made in my 10 months here.
     My mind is a busy one. I still struggle with past relationships, my relationship with food, my desires versus what needs to happen, normalish human things.
     Saturday, my dad and I are going to see Bela Flek and the Flektones! Preview? :)