Yesterday, I pretty much closed out almost 2 years of friendship, and 10 months of relationship with the only person I've ever had unequivocal love for. I couldn't look at them as the words were coming out, and the one time I did, they showed no sign of sadness. At that very moment, I knew there was someone better out there.
They feel they've hurt me, and don't want to keep doing so, or those are their words.... which yes, they have hurt me, but they've done so much more. Sure, plenty has been learned, but it amazes me the audacity of someone to be so uncaring, and disrespectful to another person. Let alone someone they say they really care about. All those times I got stood up, canceled on, mocked, and had to wait, they make me furious at him. All those times I said I wanted to be integrated into their life, and their actions were a laugh in the face, and every caring gesture that never occurred, they make me sad for the next person that has to be treated that way and takes so long to realize what they're being put through.
I'm not perfect, and it does hurt to think that someone else might make him happier, but taking advantage of such a love, is low. It only leaves me to wonder if there are people out there like myself that will go through anything to do the right thing, or what one thinks is the right, and kind thing. Every tear I've shed, that never mattered to him, and every caring word I quickly fell for, I now desire to throw in his face. I never will, and never could, as I know after my hurt how such things feel, and I wouldn't put someone through that knowingly.
Every excited emotion I ever had that got squelched, and thrown away, and every commitment that got broken, all the help I never received, and all the rolling of the eyes when I was being genuine, I could slap him across the face for. Every time I got used for my body, and lied to to get affection, I want him to know he should be ashamed.
I will pray for him daily, I will never again be flattered by him, and I will know that I gave every try I could've to make his life better. I now choose to be happy. I've been shown, people care, and what I'm looking for IS out there.
