Lost Thoughts.

     2015 Has been a long year, with both good and bad changes, and a lot of growth. The older I get, the harder it is for me to put it all out there. Perhaps because there is more at stake it feels.

     In 2015 we moved to NC, we moved recently to a new place within NC as well. We tried 4 different dogs to have a second dog in the family. I started 2 new jobs, I started 4 new gyms, we owned 3 cars, and paid off another car. Daniel went to Special Forces selection, rebreaking his ankle, I regained control of my health and weight, watched and completed over 5 series on netflix, I also had my first needle to my mouth since I had my 2 front baby teeth pulled. I also did my first Crossfit competition. 2016... 2016 brings another move, this one closer to my family, it brings a new motorcycle into my possession, new friends, and more time to accomplish the things I constantly am aiming for. I had intended to start school very soon, but the Army reserves has proved to be one of the not so well ideas in my life, thus funding for that didn't occur.
     In 2016 we plan to pay off another car, I plan to continue to push myself to make friends, though hard when you know you are soon leaving. I've worked very hard the last 4 months to reclaim control over myself when it comes to fitness and food, which felt very lost after being married. This past year I also struggled with how to let my spouse be financially free within reason and not be controlling in that area. I feel I have finally come to peace and a balanced place in that area but obviously there is always room for improvement.
     I've started watching the walking dead to see what the hoopla was about. All I can tell... people like watching dark shows with hope. I can agree I like the hope, but not at the same level of brutality. I feel like I have enough darkness in my life, or walk around with enough of a cloud following me that I don't need to spend my free time watch humans have their guts eaten. Day after day there is something that happens, whether the dog runs away, or the Army says one thing and does another. I get my plans and my life ready to go in one direction and I find out moments later that we still aren't allowed to live normally and we still don't have control of our lives.  We were about to sign the papers to own a home, and we found out we are moving. Those kinds of things are so very hard for me to accept. The fact that my life isn't my life. And Daniel reminds me more than once that life wouldn't be like this if we weren't married, but that's no way to live; it's for better or worse.
     I'm excited to be in TN again, near both our families. I am not excited to move again, or to leave here. I have really come to love my job, friends and life here. One year is the longest I've lived in one state since I was 17. I know we will be at the next spot for a while as well.. and we have friends there.. but I do greatly value the ones I have made here, and the effort put in to make those. We will see how it goes.

Everything About Relocating and Marriage.

     It's been four months now that we have been at Ft. Bragg in North Carolina. It's been four months being out of the special operations community, four months of not so amazing scenery, four months of being a waitress, and four months longer being married and being a military spouse. I have evolved. Let me tell you. Four months isn't long at all, but we are humans, we search for homeostasis and normalcy. A sense of routine and belonging, and to be more knowledgeable.
     Pros and cons you say.. Pros of Ft. Bragg, serving, and Fayetteville..

• There's still pine trees like in the PNW.. which for the many that don't know what that is.. Pacific North West.
• There's 2 commissaries and 2 PX's. 
• Unlike Washington, you can be away from everyone but still not be that far from civilisation.
• I pick my own schedule practically.

     We won't go with the cons. Why? Because there's no reason to focus on the negative. I wish I could take for an hour about the amazing things going on over here but... To myself we live a boring life. I almost said normal, but I am totally aware of our lack of normalcy. I work nights and weekends, he works days. I spend my mornings and lunch with him so we still get some married time. I drink Starbucks nearly daily. I pack his lunches, and I drive home to get more lunchables when there's a surprise 24 hour shift. My husband works 24 hour shifts. That's not really normal. We find things like walking around the Commissary (grocery store) entertaining. I get a call at 5:24 in the morning asking if his wallet is on the counter. That is also normal for us!

     In Daniel's life happenings, he has and has not settled in to this new normal. He is planning on going to Special Forces selection in a short 2.5 weeks. Which would have us here another 2 years.. or forever. It's a close promotion, and it's a lot of work. But that's about all his life is revolving around these days.

     In my life happenings, got here and got my job serving rather quickly. I then decided that I should get a second job. Which turned out horribly. The management was awful and I left after 2 days. I now find myself working mostly Friday to Monday which I'm not really complaining about.  I was greatly battling with binging, food addiction and just overall personal image since we have moved in together.. about last July. While of course I love living with my amazing husband, I don't have the freedoms that I did when I was single when it comes to being alone.. never eating out.. only cooking for me. Which has been a problem. At my fattest ever I was 161, I'm not close to 145. A nerve racking 15lbs since we moved in together in July. I returned to Jenny Craig which saved me for about 6 weeks. Then life happened with several events and 2 weeks went by of not coolness. Now.. I find myself trusting a total stranger to plan my macros and lifting, and I'm being a boss. For the first time in at least 2 years, I'm eating over 2000 calories. You can consider me a chronic dieter, then binger. Since we got married. But as of this week I'm a boss. Not a binger. I've met plenty of judgement on all fronts with my fitness and food issues. None from Daniel or family, rather people who instead of attempting to understand, just... don't attempt anything at all!

     I've made two very good friends since our relocation, I've become the super excited owner of a sectional couch... a lifelong dream of mine. There's dreams that are attainable.. and those you pray to God are attainable before you die. This was a very attainable one! As far as my Army status.. I'm on my way into the IRR as in not drilling status, because there's not unit around me that has my job skill.

     Our fur baby is happily adapted to the new scenery. You may have seen how she now has a small yard she romps in, and sun bathes in. She finds herself in her cage about 6 hours a day, but she also appreciates my couch choice, it seems to be the perfect launching pad when fleeing from her humans. She now also has a place for her cookie jar since we live in a legit living space and not a hole in a wall. Though those times are the most fun part of merging two lives.

     We will now touch on what effects does getting married quickly have. Well the most obvious, you don't know the person all too well. We've found we are in fact opposite people. I have ever flowing and renewable energy... He could sleep till he dies. I like to workout, he likes to lay out. I like to cook, he lies to microwave. I like to cuddle, he likes to play Family Guy. I like to work, he likes to play video games. I like to drink protein shakes, he likes to drink beer. I live in sweat pants, he always beats me and eats jeans while I look like a sloth. I spend my time working on self betterment, he would rather just video game or sleep. I feel like pets shouldn't be left in cages for long periods of time, he is positive they will survive. These things aren't things that are crucial, though we have had several disputes about some of them. That's part of the initial adjustment to merging two lives. It's an ongoing process, we are still marriage babies.

     There's also so much fun in being married. I mean... if you have never lived with a young male, it's quite a trip. You'll come home to spaghetti hanging off the counter, or walk in the door and he greets you with pride about his vacuuming while you were away, or how if you don't pack his lunch he will just pay for 3 meals from taco bell for the day with a soda in between. They have awesome come backs, and are quick on their feet. In my case they have no clue how to be handy or work electronics, or yell "HELP" when they have gotten in the shower and forgot a towel. Nothing like a heart attack to find out they just were without their tacticool drying device!

     All in all, we have had a smooth and worth while transition. We have made the best of it, and we continue to do so. There's always days anywhere when you say it wasn't the best decision, but if you look at the long run and over all time we have had here, it's been ok. And we have been a lot happier as a married unit.