We're Drawn To What We're Applauded For.

     In my personal experience, if I (we) aren't good at something, we have no desire to do it. Like cooking. I'm bad at it. Do I want to spend the day doing it? Nope. Reading. I'm a very slow reader. Do I want to do it? Nope. So, not everything is this way, but a lot of things are, for me at least. If someone tells me I'm good at something, or I get positive attention for it, the odds of me doing it are pretty good. Not that that's how it should be, and not that I like it because I get the attention, but it's quite an incentive.
     Mini story: I'm lifting (like every other day). There's an old man, 50's, who has just started his lifting journey, and loves to bring in his pictures of old body builders, etc, and will tell you "someday!" Granted, he's rather annoying, but rumor has it, he really wants to hear what you have to say. He was lecturing another lifter (or sounded so) about an injury that man said he had, something on his foot, I wasn't exactly listening. I finish an exercise, and look at the man and chuckle. Why? Because he seemed like he wanted this guy to stop talking, and I found it kind of funny that he wouldn't. I just moved on. I come back, do another set, the man looks at me and goes "are you a medical student, because you're looking at us like we're dumb." ....I'm like "oh...no..? ......sorry" (yikes!) But... What am I going to do?! So I continued to my next exercise. Right before he leaves, the gentleman comes up to me (after I've done bent over rows--last set) and goes "do you have a trainer?" I say "no". He says "oh, come on!" I then explained I had, but not like at the gym, and I wasn't really that into the whole lifting thing at that time. We chat a bit, and he asks if I've considered power lifting. Which I haven't. He said, "Yea I saw you doing rows, and noticed you have really great form. Not many get a row right, and not many women are trying." (I don't know if I trust his judgment on form, I am a novice here!) The man whose name I know but can't remember (:/) said he's seen teenage boys bring in their girlfriends, and have them do 10 sets of how ever many reps of bench presses. I was pretty surprised by that. I love this stuff, and I wouldn't want to endure 10 sets of benching hah! Anyways, he was very impressed (esp. when I said how long I've been at this), which is always flattering!
     Point? I love it because I'm good at it, and I'm good at it because I love it. I'm just outgoing enough to meet people at the gym, and I find it to be a very comfortable place! I could totally just go on and on about why I do it, and how much I love it, but I'll refrain :).
     So, NSV! Happy moment, motivation, whatever you want to label it.
     Now, I seriously need to clean. I haven't since I had guests, and well, yes, it's not clean :)



     Someone introduced me to this band, and I rather like them!

Where Do I Stand?

     Last you knew, I wasn't enjoying school. That was after only 2 days too. Come Thursday, I was supposed to have my second 5 hour cooking class, and my math class. I headed to math, after being totally lost for 20 minutes, I endured it for 2 hours, then I decided... I'm waisting my time. I don't like this, I don't plan on being a baker anyways, and I'm exhausted. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. That morning I had called my mom and she gave me permission to cancel my enrollment, and we did a rush brain storm of other options at this point. While I have no desire to do 4 years of college, I don't have too many options. During our second break in the math class, I approached the teacher (who was amazing), and told her I wouldn't be in this class again and if I had any need to stay for the next 2 hours. Of course I didn't, so I headed to see my advisor to make her aware of my decision. Funny enough, we had to pee at the same time and had a bathroom meeting. What I loved about it, was that she didn't try to convince me or justify me reasons. She understood where I was coming from, and directed me to the right place. I'm going to get my money back, and it's all good.
     That night, 3 friends came up from Atlanta. These people make my life worth living. I adore them. They bring laughter, and they make themselves at home, and that's why we're friends! Sadly, our plans keep colliding and I'm not getting to go out with them, but I know they're enjoying their activities, and we hang out at night, and it's more than enough time with them. Like I said before, friends that ask to hang out are one of those things that bring me total joy. So getting a call saying they were coming to Nashville, or a call last night saying they were leaving the bar and coming to hang.... Yep, it's been a month since I've felt this happy. But I must say getting out of the college situation brought me a big sigh of relief as well.
     While I was there for my first 2 classes, I met some amazing people. The teachers are phenomenal, and the students are as well. I met a girl in my first lab/cooking class that loves working out, and loves counting her cals, and loved grocery shopping, coffee, and being active. Whaaaat? That's me! Luckily, I had gotten her number and we're connected and really happy about it. She lives with roommates, giving her a way to have some friends even though she's just moved here, but not myself, so I've found a great friend. We hung out yesterday, are today, maybe tomorrow, and are on Monday. Excitement.
     I have no extreme words of wisdom for you, or something epic I've learned from my short lived experience.. But I can tell you this: When you're where you're supposed to be, you know. Also, find people that fit you, and keep them close. When you need a pick me up, a drink, or a hug, you're going to be glad you stuck it out through a moment of hell.

Leaving Classes Running And Screaming.

     First 2 days are over, and I feel like I've already been through a life time. I feel like I've aged 20 years. First class is fine, it's a lecture and we get breaks, so I have a chance to eat, and I'm a good lecture learner. Second class, (Wed.) is a lab to accompany that lecture. It's 5 hours in the kitchen. No breaks, all meat.
     I go in on Tuesday, and they don't have my pants, so I wore jeans, which was fine with me, because let's be honest, who really wants to wear checkered pants? I learned how to tie a tie... I was SO excited. I know heaps of men that have no idea how to do it, so I was over the top. Next I learned that I have a convicted felon, and a man with one testicle in that class. Yes, you read me right. In all nobility, he's a cancer survivor, but who honestly wants to know that much about a fellow classmate? I get homework in the class, and it's all good. Good group of people----ish.
     Second class, is the bane of my existence. Seeing as I've eaten on a schedule for 3 years, my body expects food every few hours. If I don't get some kind of something (preferably carb), I start to feel what I imagine a diabetic feels in the same situation. My blood sugar drops, and I become slow, tired, and just in bad shape. Like an "I'm about to faint" feeling. There's no breaks in the class. You're in the kitchen for 5 hours straight. So what do I do? I file as a disability, and I might be able to get a snack. The plugs in my ears? Have to come out. I worked hard to get them this way, I like it, and it's kind of painful to take them in and out. This is not for me. The industry, nor the schooling style. While I will be able to concentrate in the lab, after about 2 hours of lecture time, I've reached my absorption max. The lab is also where I learn to cook all my proteins. My final exam I have to cook a chicken solo. The others I'm working with 3 other people. What does this mean? I'm set up for failure. Had I been told this prior to my start, I wouldn't have started.
     So I head straight from there to the gym twice a week. It's exhausting.
     Tonight, I got straight to the gym, then have 3 people coming to stay for 4 days. "Tonight" I'm going to the new harry potter at midnight, then up for an 8am tomorrow morning. Going to be a long long weekend. Did half of the assigned homework for my first class, monday will be packed with homework, because Sunday I have to be at the school from 8-5 for some introductory class. I want to like this whole school idea, but it's not for me. I do love the people. They're interesting, and I haven't gotten to be around people in a month, so to see people I know daily... It's what I need. That's the only reason I like it.

     Here's a little song for you!

Let The Partying Commence!

     Well.... It's here. First class is in 2 hours! Exactly actually. I've already met the teacher, that's good... even though I'm not really a fan.. I don't have the right pants I need because they're on back order, so I get to wear jeans (YAY), I ironed my jacket, got my shoes... Pretty set. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to put like the hat and apron on for the first class... Hopefully I won't be the only one wondering :-)
I have a cheese stick and some protein ready, because come 9, I'll be needing food. Pronto. I don't have my book, I was told it's online, and I have no clue how to do that :/ I'm not excited, but I know the first week always sucks the worst, and next week will be better! My clothes don't fit either. Fancy huh? Took some to get altered. Expennnnnsive!
     I even have a friend coming from my hometown to workout and hang out with me after. I'll get through the day!

I'm Up! (Physically and Emotionally)

     After a long 4 days of frustration and being emotionally down... I'm quite happy! So many people can't stand the start of school, but I love it. I appreciate about a month off, but beyond that, I become so bored it's miserable. Luckily, I've been rather occupied up until this last week. School starts tomorrow! I'm not at all looking forward to my first class, but after that it will be easier. It would be alright if my first class was a gen ed and not a kitchen based... I have to go dressed in the lame chef outfit. I also find out that I have to iron my outfit, and it's raining this week. Guess I'll start my bike transit next week!
     Can I just tell you that local commercials are so annoying. I'm watching the news (like always) and they're the cheesiest things.
     Today I have to do my weekly grocery shopping, find shoes to wear in the kitchen, specifically non slip :S, get my books, exchange my clothes, get my ID, my parking ...thing....?, then I'm headed to Springfield to do some good ole gym time with my buds! AND I get my BF% retested. One of my favorite times of the month there. I think today is going to be a delightful one! Busy days always set me up for success... No time for my thoughts to run away, and no time to eat out of boredom.
     The classes will be a struggle for me for multiple reasons: I can't cook, my blood sugar drops after 2.5 hours, and I lose the ability to absorb information after 2. I'm definitely praying I succeed :/

     Song of the day for you? Why of course I have one!

Emotional Swayings.

     I once thought I was bipolar. I made a Dr appt for myself, and the day before told my mom I was going.
     I'd like to say few things make me truly happy, but the reality is, it doesn't take much to arouse a genuine feeling of joy for me. For some it's their spouse, or the job they always wanted and now have. Neither of those do I have, so my list has an opportunity to be a little more broad. These are usually the culprits:

• Baking
• Friends who ask to hang out
• Hugs
• Music
• Working out

     I thought I was bipolar, because in a few hours I go from 6 feet under, to over joyed. I still am not sure how normal it is, but because I'm never suicidal or such, I'm told I'm not low enough to be considered bipolar. Has living alone made it worse? Uhm, not really. It's the part where I'm a good 45 minutes drive away from being reminded how loved I am. For the record, that list isn't in order of amount of joy. It's in order of how it came out of my fingers.

     I think all the time about how people have to get tired of my complaining, or my implications that I believe myself to have a terrible or unfortunate life. I think no such thing. I easily look around and see what I have compared to most, and I quickly understand my amount of blessing.

     Anyways.. I made blond brownies for my currently pregnant college advisor--they're her favorite dessert. I'm surprising her with them at orientation in a half hour. I didn't have the recipe for the time or such, but ....thank God I had put the recipe into my calorie counting website! I knew how much of everything, and got it all figured out :-). Since I had no idea of how long they would take, then they took exactly as long as I set my timer for, I did a happy dance.

     There's my yummo finished product. Glad I could have a mood lifter and a reminder why I wanted to do culinary to begin with (even if I can't cook to save my life.)

     This song... Love it. I'm big on instrumentals.

Awkward and Shameless.

     Many a time have I felt like I should feel bad, or be ashamed or embarrassed for half the stuff I do, but... I just can't bring myself to. This is in more realms than one. I'll give you a few examples... maybe it will help you feel less ashamed or awkward in your next situation, because you will quickly see that there are people doing worse things than yourself!
     Hip Thrusts. Heard of them? It's like air humping.... with added weight, and it's good for your butt. Yes, it's an awkward gym thing. Actually, when googling awkward gym exercises, it's in the top 10. The others are like hip adductor--which I also do, but I quit feeling the awkwardness of that a year ago ;). In fact, after only my second public hip thrusting session--done on the floor I might add-- I'm beginning to feel it's pretty normal. No, I know it's not, but my awkward threshold is near nonexistent, so I just don't look people in the eye and it's all good! (And I try not to make any noise while breathing.... with a weight plate on your abdomen, your breathing sounds change.)
     Taking food into food places. Yea, I do it alllll the darn time. I know deep down there should be some shame felt, but when they don't offer anything I can or want to eat, you better bet I bring my own slice of pie, or nuts and protein for my oatmeal! I've done crazy stuff. Burgers in movies, pasta dishes into fine dining restaurants. You name it, I've dared to try it. And not once has someone told me I couldn't eat it either.
     Skyping in public places. I could care less. I know people are looking at me while I sit and talk to a computer. They have no clue what on earth I'm doing! I'm sure I look like I should be in a mental institute, but skype I shall! It's the same when I see someone walking down the street talking to themselves, because you can't see the earpiece they have in (using their cell phone).
     Tampons or pads. Men know that women use them. It's no secret ladies. So why the shame in carrying them around the store? Not feeling it! I dropped them on the floor once, that got to me a bit LOL, but other than that, I'll carry them in my hand. Nor do I have an issue admitting I feel like hell cause it's "That time of the month." I've also been asked to buy pregnancy tests before... Said I would. Sure, people are going to think I'm pregnant, but I know I'm not, so why does it matter what they think? (Helps I look a bit older too... I'd probably feel a little more judged if I looked 14.)
     Cellulite. Sorry.... What? I'm sure I have it somewhere, but I missed out on that self conscious train! I can definitely admit it's something I've never worried about while rocking a bikini! (Or anything else showing considerable amounts of leg.) I'm probably blessed to have very little, but I'm not looking in the mirror hunting for it. Same goes with stretch marks. If most have them, why do you feel ugly? It's like feeling self conscious about having a nose--it's normal! Not ashamed here.

My Last Week Of Freedom. (Only Irony It's Independence Day)

     Life chapter dos starts a week from tomorrow. I'm ok with it, not excited, not hating the prospect. I am however excited about the job fair in 2 weeks. While I'd give up my long weekends and daily free time, and I'm torn about whether I truly want to, I want to be occupied. You ask "What are you doing with your last week of teen freedom?" And I respond: I will spend it working out, sitting on my couch, biking, and eating. Yes, nothing out of the ordinary. Quite lame as a matter of fact! The school has informed me of activities I will be involved in this week however. For $5 I can go to Nashville Shores on Saturday and yes, I'm embracing a $5 admission and free lunch (in hopes it's not all meat). Friday I get to spend most of my day in an orientation! A week from Sunday there's a 5 hour, yes 5 hour, freshman class I must take. I have a choice between Saturday and Sunday, but I have friends in town that weekend. Not only that.... But the one and only Jon Acuff is teaching that Sunday.
     Which--below is the awesome promo video that provides a good laugh. How many times do you see pastors look like cage fighters and thugs? Well, never. Bad weekend for the school to choose. I really think they should've consulted me first. I'll have to talk to them about that.

     Get a good laugh? I hope so.

     For my fourth... I'm making pie, hitting the grocery store, hitting the gym, tanning, and going to see the fireworks! I'd never heard of the display until a friend told me about it on Thursday! I'm not going for the music and all, just the fireworks, which I'm going alone LOL, but I'm sure I'll love every minute of it! Fireworks always put a huge smile on my face!

     Enjoy your Fourth :)

I'm a Husbandless Housewife.

     Funny isn't it? I clean, I cook for me, and other people, I do laundry, get groceries, and every other chore... The only thing I lack is a child. What do I need a hubband for then? I'll say nothing ha! Well, that's only if I can master fixing things. I hung some stuff on the wall, does that count? ;-)

     It's only 30 days from National Cheesecake day, which is also my birthday, but more importantly, the Cheesecake Factory releases a new flavor, which they do every year (just for me :D)!
It's also 25 days before I leave with a friend to hit up 6 Flags over Ga!
It's 11 days before I start college..
And that's all of the epic stuff I have!

     If you don't know, I'm an aluder. And, I'd rather hear you talk then hear myself. I'll stick to the obnoxious laughing, and you have have the jaw exercise!

     This song is beyond amazing. The syncopation is unique, and the intro is phenomenal!