Well. I made it. It's easy when you turn your gaze on sappers or rangers, but for those of us not-so-extradinary, it's an accomplishment. I had no idea what I was getting into, I just kind of jumped. I didn't really know what my job was or what osut meant. I thought I knew what questions to ask and that I'm pretty chill, but I learned a lot about myself. Sure, I learned military things like how to shoot a rifle, how to throw a grenade, how to do facing movements, inspection arms, and how to build bridges. More so I learned that I don't always give my all, selling myself short, I can be too sensitive, when I have nothing left, there's more there, and I don't respond to negative motivation.
I took a while to learn things, some good and some bad. I'm more impatient because we're always rushed, cursing isn't rude any more, don't care what people say, but always keep a mirror in front of your personality, not everyone has good intentions or cares about respecting authority, yelling no longer phases me, how to handle stress, how to push back panic, and how great simplicity is. I no longer like phones as much or computers quite as much. I missed it some times, but after seeing people's actions with those devices, I realized how consumed we are by them, and how rude they make us.
I can easily say that I hated it at times, but putting the experience in my rear view saddens me. My goal is to go active duty, and continue on with the lifestyle I enjoy. To me, the army feels like a job; I now understand why soldiers reply that they're just doing their job when you thank them. I feel like little ole me, just a little sweatier, and a little harder working. My old normal is about to me my new normal again as I've adapted to the IET lifestyle. Something about having people right by your side all the time, no matter how much fighting goes on, is a great feeling. Saying bye to the temporary parents that your Drill Sargeants have been is just as hard. You come to trust them and know that they not only care but do what they have to to make you a better person and to keep you safe.
Everyone asks what you want to do when you finish being in legal captivity. I have weight I want to lose, books I want to read, movies I want to watch, an online class in progress, sleep to catch up on, dancing to do, and places to be explored. I gained 100 or so battle buddies from these four months, I hold my head heigher, I strongly try not to speak into conversations, and I smile less.
I can't say I was a much loved member of the 35th En Bn, but I stayed true to myself. I tried to uphold justice, I tried to be honest, I tried to help my battle buddies, and I consistently walked away from unnecessary arguing. I often times comes across as rude and bossy, and I was consistently reminded of that. I stood by "the worst they can do is say no" in a place where they usually will do worse. I never lost the bravery to ask a question, and I always exercised their desire to answer questions.
We all know my physical condition when I left and my constant counting of calories. In my little journey, I ate, I gained strength, and I gained a chunk of weight (11lb). I could say I regret it, but I don't. I'm ashamed of the lack of self control, sure, but I think the break was healthy, and I learned that my peers don't care if I'm a size 0 or 13, I bleed red just like they do. I left with 19 correct push-ups and I now make 37. My pull ups got better, my run worse and my sit ups the same.
I withstood 15 weeks of mass punishment, starting in red phase, I did ruck marches, from a 4k to a 16k, I laid in the prone watching ticks crawl by, I went 4 days without showering, I dug a fighting position, I pulled guard duty, I experienced what true cold is, I forward marched into a lake, I woke up at 0445 daily, I experienced CS gas, I low crawled under live fire, I cleaned the fire out of weapons numerous times, I repelled down a 100ft tower, I carried battle buddies on my shoulders, and I sang plenty of cadence. Any physical or mental pain I ever experienced was well worth the outcome.
I'm sad to not wake up with a purpose, to not have people to talk to, and to not be with my battle buddies. I now know why they say you never forget the path to becoming a soldier. My hope is to go active as soon as possible, and continue on.
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| Vazquez! |
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| My most influential DS. |
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| Fanolua! |
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| On a 12C Boat! |
I'm proud of where I stand and what I stand for.
