It's time for goals! This year has been such a roller coaster, via injury, emotional things, mental things, my lifting goals were hard to accomplish. Not to mention, my bodyweight bench last year was awful form. I may have not hit paper goals for the year, but I certainly exceeded expectations of myself in how to handle situations and how to be independent.
Start a true bulk ☑
Appreciate people for the little things ☑
Retain my bodyweight bench press
Improve my verbal expression of my feelings ☑
Try making my own sammich bread
Add 10lbs to my row, lat pull, and incline
They weren't as successful as last year. This year?
Enjoy the process - BT, relationships, school
Raise my GPA by .2
Add $1,000 to my current savings account total
Quit drinking soda
Do 100 consecutive pushups/situps
This year excites me, because I have so many new things coming my way. The Army and its trainings, full time school, the opportunity to make more friends, personal income raises... a lot of fears about this year are all components I have the capability to control myself, and when you control your own pass or fail, the weight is much heavier. I desire to push myself harder than I want to, in order to achieve things I don't think possible.
I go home in a week, and I will hit the ground running and ready to crash through the walls that face me be it emotionally, physically or mentally. I have massive satisfaction in the fact that I'm choosing my future instead of letting it come about as it desires. As always, my 2013 will kick off with a long prayer for everyone I've ever encountered.
My personal communication style, is honest, straightforward, and generally literal. We encounter many style of communication throughout our travels, some wanting to make us rip our hear out, and some that are like ours therefore we understand them well. Of course, sometimes, even when it's like ours, we hate it, and we never wonder why other people dislike our own way of communicating. It's seldom I meet someone who is as straightforward and honest about things as I am. I've grown up in a passive aggressive home, and while I can be also, I had an "Aha Moment" in realizing that's why we fight every time we are under the same roof. A second frustration causer for us, is my "get it done" attitude, verses the "I can do it later" attitude. A third.... I'm basic, and a bare-minimums kind of girl, unlike the rest of my family. I'm totally comfortable with my life the way it is, as I find myself to be not much different than most people my age.
These specific communication bumps haven't been obvious to me in the past. I knew we clashed, yet still loved each other, but I couldn't put my finger on what the exact irritant was. Someone told me yesterday - don't react, trust me, you're better than that. And for her, I'm going to try to honor just that statement. While passive aggressive isn't right, and it's ineffective, I have a choice to take the high road in those moments. I can't say I know entirely what that is, but I now know how it feels to those I've been passive aggressive to and it irritated them a fair amount.
In two weeks I fly back to my home, I start school, and I start my enlistment. This semester in school, I'm taking geography, and a lower level criminal justice class. I've always had this thought, that the more knowledge you can and choose to acquire about everything possible - careers, systems, strategies, thought patters - the smarter you are in general. Being amazing at computer science, doesn't make you smart. It makes you good at one thing, but only one thing. What about being able to answer questions in areas other than your own, or having the knowledge to be proficient in many things. That, I find to be very impressive, and wise. While it won't matter when you're gone how much you knew, I feel one's life is much richer when lived in knowledge and learning.
I'm not really into law to be honest, and though I don't have a desire to do Criminal Justice, or Legal Studies, I know when I am in the middle of it and I come out the other side, I will be very satisfied that my knowledge base is much broader than it was before or than it would've been on my former major choice.
As previously mentioned, I swear in the 11, which is the same date I find out where I go for basic, and when I go. Christmas this year whispered a hint of support from my parents in what I'm about to do. I received a Baby G (G shock) watch, an evidently common military used watch (I would've guessed Garmin), gift certificates for my packing list and to buy more of the books I've been engulfing. This process has been long, intense, and tiring. When I would usually be bored with a vacation like this, I've been googling any down time I have, to wipe away fears caused by the unknown. The fear is dissipating, yet I know a healthy fear keeps away the shock of things that were unexpected. Confusing statement, but true.
I proposed the thoughts I have in my last blog, and this time I come to confirm them. I am in fact joining the US Army, and I am in fact scared and excited. As I made arrangements yesterday to find a home for my closest friend, Puddles, my heart tore in two. Puddles has been there when I get home, he's licked my tears in my hardest moments, and he's been there to let me hug on and talk to every day for months. I had a hard time deciding who was fit to take such treasure to me, and feared his mistreatment due to his behavior. I'm a laid back person and I can roll with the punches of the things he tends to do without getting too agitated, but not everyone is like that. Moments after my mom told me to pray after seeing my concern, someone told they will be able to give him a great home.
That moment, I knew what I was doing, and I knew that my life is about to have direction. This past semester in particular I've put school on the back burner, because working is where my heart is. I'd rather work full time than have a degree and get rich. I'm able to immediately see the fruits of my labor when I work while when in school, you don't see anything for years. Unfortunately, that landed my GPA in an undesirable range. I've yet to see the 2's, but a low 3 isn't good enough for what I want in my life.
Why do I want to join? After reading the real life war stories of infantrymen, I saw what drove them, what they were fighting for, and their support for each other. I am compelled to enlist, because I want to spend my life working on something that will make a difference when I'm gone. I want to support those around me, and be supported, and I want to do something outside of myself. I don't plan to do an 8 year run, God willing, I want to do it as a career.
How's it going to work? I will swear into the Army Reserves as a PFC on January 11, 2013. I'll receive a physical and I'll sign a contract to serve the country. I will at that point, become a resident of Oregon, enabling me to take full time classes, and have my tuition covered. I will go to Basic Training and Advanced Individual Training after a few months, and be back to start full time school in the fall. Rumor right now, is in the reserves I'll be a Horizontal Engineer to fill the need in my area. Once a month I will go on a weekend to continue my training. Come fall, I'll become part of the ROTC and hold a Simultaneous Membership (SMP). I'll take Military Science classes, stay in shape through ROTC, and do weekend trainings with them as well.
My major may change, school will become my biggest concern to improve my GPA, and I'll work less to be able to focus more. Currently I'm deciding between Criminal Justice with a Health minor or CJ with a Legal Studies minor. If the Army is my career, Exercise Science won't do too much for me, however if I still want to do some studies in the area, a health minor provides that for me. I love my job, and will miss the ability to work 30 hours in a week, but once I take the burden of tuition off my parents, and I'm receiving income through both the ROTC and the AR, the income won't be as vital.
My parents and friends all have stated they completely support the decision, and it almost solidifies my confidence more. A close friend pointed out to me yesterday that though they support me, the decision was made quickly, which can lead to regret. I do agree with them, but I've wanted to find a secure path for myself for over a year. As I said earlier, working is my love, and not knowing when I graduate college where things would land as to supporting myself has been an inner concern. This is the opportunity I've been wanting.
I head to a surgeon the 27th of December to close the gauges in my ears, I take puddles to his new owner January 2nd, I get my stitches out the 3rd, and I fly home the 7th. Once home, I start school the 8th, I fill out all of my paperwork the 8th, and I head to Portland the 10-11 to finish swearing in and getting tests finished. I will miss my best friend more than knowing I can change my mind about my future, and I will eagerly await the day I start Basic, I got to AIT, and I have personal confirmation that I will be something with myself other than a void to the society.
As all of Facebook now knows, I've randomly become a reader. Facebook (and everyone that knows me) also knows I'm open. I've seen what being able to relate does to people, and I have no issues sharing my life. This year has brought a multitude of growth, both mentally and emotionally. I've heard many-a-time that college is where we find ourselves, and I can't admit that I disagree, but I can admit that it hasn't helped me find myself in anyway.
I've never been involved in my schools' hoopla they have; parties, sororities, the stuff that they say makes you successful in college and looks good on any resume. I'm social, but to an extent. I easily find my inadequacies, and I easily get bored at large social events where I know I won't be engaged. Perhaps in some ways I have already found bits of myself in learning these things. I knew when I did my first college tour of the school I knew I was going to, I was never going to get a job because my resume would suck.
Now, after strong growth spirts, I can tell you first hand, that changing your mind is A OK! When I first met my buddy, JC Deen, I thought .....this guy is crazy! It's working for him somehow, but he's going to end up homeless because he never finished his degree. Well let me tell you, that after being encouraged to follow my desires instead of society, life couldn't be more perfect. Every time I come to these crossroads in finding myself, I generally make the decision I'm advised by the majority not to make. Be it quitting school after 2 days, moving across the country, or dating online. I've always been strong willed, and willing to fail to get it right eventually. I haven't failed myself yet really.
Why did I mention the reading to begin with? Well, I'm walking right toward the next crossroads of my life. I'm generally seen as making life decisions on the fly and emotionally stacking them. Well, maybe I do, maybe I don't, but it's working for me folks. If I backed out of moving, well, I would've missed out on absolutely amazing moments and opportunities. Reading, right. I've been solely reading personal accounts of war memories and experiences. I wouldn't be able to stand reading them if I knew they were fiction. Why does something that never occurred matter to me in any capacity?
I write today with a very tired mind, and lazy eyes, as my days recently have been spent working my mind to death to find some semblance of a turn signal. I'm sure you may have an idea where I'm going with the books and the crossroads combined. Yes, I'm strongly compelled to actually do something with my life. I can't perform the duties I'm learning about, personally or legally, but I can serve in other capacities. I'm researching, learning, asking, and mentally disputing. There's advantages and disadvantages to serving your country, neither weighing heavier than the other at this moment. I see freedom from a few I'm burdening, but I also see the captivity of their emotions rather than their finances. I see personal independence, but I also see the commitment. No hasty decisions from this one.
If I chose to take this route, I'd feel important to something, smart, helpful, and I'd have to alter my body to fit certain regulations. Little did I know in 8th grade that 4 years down the road I would be wishing I hadn't altered my body and that it could hinder me from employment.
Does deployment scare me? No. Does physical training scare me? No. Does failing someone when they need me most? Yes. I can entirely understand the intense commitment and dedication by those who serve for us daily. I'd be the same way. I find the business and physical aspects rather appealing. For now, I mull, I wait, and I talk, until some decision feels more clear than another to me.
It seemed every day I worked I got asked to work more. Something I never mind, as I love it, I get paid for it, and it keeps me busy. Day after day, I spent hours serving food and pushing carts. Saturday kicked off round two of working for the week, starting at 8:30 and ending at 2:45. Many times I work, working out isn't an option. It's an extremely physical job, and I just put working out off for the day. Not Saturday; Saturday I went from work, to do legs. After spending an hour rocking out to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, I sat down to take in 20 pages of "Outlaw Platoon" before running off to Chiptole, then straight to the bowling alley for 2 hours of craziness. Already exhausted from the endless day, I ended up spending 3.3 hours on the phone. While I thought Sunday wasn't going to be stressful or busy, the day still looked daunting. 6:00 came early after hanging up at 1:37. I woke up, and continued to read until my psyche could handle movement. After breakfast, I fluffed and folded my clothes to pack the suitcase I'd waited 5 months to pack. The suitcase that brought me hope, that allowed me to breathe, that led me into the sky, and that held the promise of unconditional love. The suitcase that was a secret to the world.
After finishing gathering my daily life into a bag, I headed out for one.... or two... last quarts of ice cream with Jake, one of the guys I stayed with when I visited Oregon originally last year. Upon finishing my chocolate soft serve, I headed home to change and get in my last bout of arms and cardio before my last work shift of the year. As I felt discouraged by weak arms, I couldn't help but find comfort in the empty gym, and the music providing the oomph to push through.
I went downstairs to join an army of strangers in some Sunday night ass shaking, when I was greeted by a short, tan, built Spanish man. Sergio and Natalie are two I've known since the summer, and have come to grow fond of as I see them quite often doing Club Dance. A familiar face and a hug is about all it takes to make a place home. I was exhausted by the day and the day prior lending little sleep. My shoulder started to cramp, and I tried to think up excitement towards the afternoon arrival to my old home. To my advantage the instructor messed and stopped 10 minutes early. Usually, in my mind, I'd be kicking and screaming as I'd been gipped 100 calories of cardio for the day, but not this Sunday. I headed home to grab some grub before heading to work to serve a midnight breakfast to supposedly studying students. Refusing to let the tired show come midnight, I appreciated that I hadn't had to spend my night at home waiting for the next day to arrive. As I finished every task appointed to me at 1:10 Monday morning, I knew sleep wouldn't come easy.
1:20 I walked into my room, set my alarm for 3:15, and laid there trying to quiet my mind. An hour and a half after dozing off, I woke to see 3:06, and knew not only did I have a long day ahead, but I had people waiting for me with open arms. I showered, packed the car, and headed to the airport, dog in tow. I arrived about a hour before my departure, mildly nervous I may have just caused myself to be late. I hugged my roomie, paid for the dog, and headed through security. As I pulled him out, I saw the sheer petrification strung across his tiny white face. I knew this day wasn't going to be much easier for him than it was for me. I attracted attention at the gate when my bag started to bark, making a few friends all waiting to get to their destination. After landing in Denver, I began an extensive search for a puppy restroom. After finding it, and him denying that it was good enough to be used, I had to re enter though security. I don't mind security. They're doing something to protect me and my fellow Americans as best they know how. However, in that moment, I didn't want my $2.00 bottle of water emptied, and I didn't want to search for my ID and boarding pass again.
Through exhausted eyes, I glanced around, wondering how many people noticed I didn't want to be in that line. As I came out the other side, I re entered the train to head back to the other side of the airport, in hopes of finding a snack before stepping back onto a plane. To my surprise, all the stores sold the same snacks - none of which had protein bars.
After being seated, I noticed a mild disturbance by a man standing in the isle of the aircraft. Staring, then ignoring, the dazed looking man in a rust plaid shirt, sat down next to me. Moments later, asking if I was ready for this (referring to the flight). I entertained interesting conversation with the man about half the flight, reading in between conversations. After landing, I wished him luck on his endeavor, and headed to pick up my bag, feeling sad that I showed no excitement to be home, and couldn't even understand I was about to see my family. The day I arrived was a surprise to most, therefore I had a friend pick me up at the airport and drop me off at my house. Every hug I received that day, was the kind of hug you could fall asleep giving. Tight, long, emotionally charged. Some hugs didn't do justice and more than one occurred.
Since my arrival, I've only been two places - the grocery store and the gym. I've seen almost everyone I want to make sure I see, in just those trips. I spend time reading, lifting, and dancing. I'll branch out my destinations eventually, but I'm enjoying the lack of work, the lack of busy, and the joy in the smiles of those I encounter. I wait most excitedly to see the rest of my family, whom I've not seen in 6 months and not really been in contact with. I'm revisiting those from my past life I feel, and I am so glad I'm here getting to do so. I'm easily reminded why I miss it, but I also can identify what's nice about where I live now.
Life is ever changing, and as a person with the love of being busy, and needing variety, I'm so thankful it is! One minute you have decided what's going on, where your'e going, your goals and desires, then something completely unexpected comes up. Sometimes that thing is an open door, sometimes it's something that closes a door you wanted open. The things happening in my life these days aren't massive life changing events, but they're great things. After the past 5 months, I've found myself again; the driven, smiling, active girl, who gives her all to those around her.
Everyone knows I'm not a reader, heck, that's why this blog was ever started! The blog started when I read crazy love, two years ago I believe it was, and that was the last book I read. I was recommended the book "No Easy Day", the story of killing Osama Bin Laden, and was in love instantly. I finished the book of 300 pages in 36 hours, and continued to download a second war story read. Reading recently has done two things for me; reading has given me a distraction in my moments of boredom when I tend to eat, and it's also broadened my knowledge. I'm a huge believer in learning everything you physically can, no matter how small or big the information may be.
I've learned about myself, that when I'm tired, or don't feel good, I become dramatic. Not in a trouble causing way, in a complaining kind of way, or over reacting to situations. Being so in touch with everything going on in my body isn't always an advantage. I gain a pound of water weight, and I feel it like I'm pregnant. I have several days where I just want to about die because I feel like crap. I've always been an optimist, but those days really get the best of me. I was down in it yesterday, didn't want to go to the gym, but decided not going wasn't an option. A friend had given me two new CD's I hadn't ever heard, so I popped on my Ipod, hit the gym, and as I walked in started to list everything going awesome in my life. The good grades I just received, the tuition discount I randomly got, that I get to go home so soon, that my WO was going amazing, and I have a job I love. I finished beasting it out in the gym, sat for a moment, and went to do cardio. The cardio classes here are all a hour, and honestly, to give it all you can for an hour is definitely pushing it. I knew that my bad day needed to end right there, and I had an opportunity to leave it with the sweat on the floor. I started that cardio, and pushed harder than I have in ages. That very moment, when time seemed to fly and I panted, I knew I was coming back to who I was, and fast.
As I contrast 3 months ago to now, getting broken up with is just about the best step that could've happened. I was a prisoner is some ways to that relationship. In multiple instances I was told I would be fixed, I felt I had to tip toe some in order to stay in it, and I felt I would be alone here without it. I can't say I'm glad I ever was in it to begin with, but it did give me great appreciation for who I am, and my happiness. I feel such freedom now to be who I am, it's wonderful. At first, I thought about coming home again, then after 2 weeks of sticking it out, I realized staying is what will push me to grow, and bear great opportunity to be the person I am.
Coming into these holidays, I may feel like junk physically, and I may not be in the same state as my family right now, but I have myself. Holidays are always a time to reflect, and I'm choosing to look at the good I posses, the friends around me, the family, the emotional richness, the health, the wealth, the never give up spirit.
Stop and look.
I won't pretend that my life this year has been how I planned. I've done plenty of growing up after moving across the country with the thought of a fairy tale. Anything but has come of it. When I was broken up with, I was pretty lost, and when information of even worse happenings came out, I was ready to start packing. I hear "You're brave", "you're strong", but I can't say I feel the same things about myself as others see in me. I've been on the phone with my mom almost every day since I left Tennessee, and I've cried more days than I haven't. But I can tell you one single thing that is for sure. And that..... is that I have cried enough, I have hurt enough, and I've been lost enough, to now know, that I'm not lost, I'm not in a rut, and I have so much wealth in my life.
I had several options when I was at my lowest. My relationship many times made me feel a lack of worth, and at the worst times, I didn't want to be in the world any more. I lost God, I became blinded by love, and I was supported more than I knew I could be through it all. I sit here now, recognizing my own worth, my emotional wealth, the people I'm blessed with, and the open doors because of closed ones.
I knew when I left TN I would have to be more outgoing than ever before, and I have been. Strong friendships take years to forge, no matter how hard you push. When something happens to someone, like happened to me, a lot of ice cream goes into the healing, a lot of tears, and a lot of support and encouragement. I'm resilient, but I do have feelings, and I do invest my soul into the people I interact with. I've heard many a time to just get over it, but that time line is extremely person specific. It's a grieving process.
However, I can now say, I feel stronger than I have in over a year. I can't say happier, as I've had some very happy moments, but I'm making the decision to be happy, and leave the past to waste away as it will. My past may shape me, but it doesn't define me, and it can't hold me captive. I'm onto bigger and better things, better people, great opportunities, friends, and working on redefining who I am.
So, what do you do when you don't know what to do? You do. You push forward. You take a minute to grieve, and you decide how you want your future, and come to the understanding with yourself, that you can choose your future, and it will no doubt be much more satisfying than what you thought you wanted. Even a week ago.
I've pulled up this page, and I'm not full of words. I've had good times and bad times since I moved, which is very much expected. Every since being broken up with, I've had a lot of bad, and I've learned a lot about who I was actually dating, and what others think and feel about him. I still choose to believe what I've experienced with him, but I hurt very much for the life I now know he lives.
I've struggled with my weight since I've moved here through vacations and injury, and I'm fighting to be where I want to be. I'm back with my coach, and I'm happy to have the friend and accountability that gives, but I'm no bodybuilder like the rest of the family.
Holiday shopping and watching things change while not being with my family brings great pain. I spend a lot more days wishing I was back home; but I'm here now, and this is my home. I can't believe how fast the time has passed. 6 months has almost passed since I left, and it's been the most emotional 6 of my life thus far. I've learned so much, I've matured a lot, I've made friends, I've created a life for myself by pushing more than usual to be outgoing. I'll be home for 2 weeks in December, and I'm very excited for it!
I have actually met "someone". But I'm spending the time to be friends right now, instead of ending up where I was. I'm satisfied with this, and very un-ready to enter any kind of romance attempt after the first. I'm jaded, and more shy than I was before. I'm still me..... just different.
I'm sure there will judgment that I chose to write this, I'll just remind you that it's my place to write as I choose.
Yesterday, I pretty much closed out almost 2 years of friendship, and 10 months of relationship with the only person I've ever had unequivocal love for. I couldn't look at them as the words were coming out, and the one time I did, they showed no sign of sadness. At that very moment, I knew there was someone better out there.
They feel they've hurt me, and don't want to keep doing so, or those are their words.... which yes, they have hurt me, but they've done so much more. Sure, plenty has been learned, but it amazes me the audacity of someone to be so uncaring, and disrespectful to another person. Let alone someone they say they really care about. All those times I got stood up, canceled on, mocked, and had to wait, they make me furious at him. All those times I said I wanted to be integrated into their life, and their actions were a laugh in the face, and every caring gesture that never occurred, they make me sad for the next person that has to be treated that way and takes so long to realize what they're being put through.
I'm not perfect, and it does hurt to think that someone else might make him happier, but taking advantage of such a love, is low. It only leaves me to wonder if there are people out there like myself that will go through anything to do the right thing, or what one thinks is the right, and kind thing. Every tear I've shed, that never mattered to him, and every caring word I quickly fell for, I now desire to throw in his face. I never will, and never could, as I know after my hurt how such things feel, and I wouldn't put someone through that knowingly.
Every excited emotion I ever had that got squelched, and thrown away, and every commitment that got broken, all the help I never received, and all the rolling of the eyes when I was being genuine, I could slap him across the face for. Every time I got used for my body, and lied to to get affection, I want him to know he should be ashamed.
I will pray for him daily, I will never again be flattered by him, and I will know that I gave every try I could've to make his life better. I now choose to be happy. I've been shown, people care, and what I'm looking for IS out there.
Tonight, I lost a little bit of myself. They say you never forget your first love, and you always hold them in your heart. I can now attest to those truths. As previously mentioned, we've been hitting speed bumps, and just when we hoped to fix them, more came. Some strong truth was admitted, plenty of tears have been shed, and I hurt. I don't feel rejected, but that doesn't mean there's not a lot of pain. I'll always wish I could've made it work, I'll always wish I could take back all those times I said things I didn't mean, and I'll always know that if I didn't live like I have, I wouldn't have gotten to experience what true happiness is.
Is he hurting? I won't ever know. As I sat across from him, all I could think about when I responded, was to not make him feel bad for expressing the truth. Sometimes, no matter how much pain you feel, the other person still takes precedence. Part of me hurts because no one in his life will ever know I existed, and that he had someone looking at him saying they love him.
I reminisce about the things that warmed my heart, brought a smile to my face, reminded me how perfect people are, and shaped bits of me:
I never lived down the moment passing the famous Maltnomah falls, completely exhausted and offended about nothing important, refusing to look at them.
The DQ blizzards he loved to walk to get.
His willingness to indulge in dressing up more than necessary.
His "I want you"'s
Cooking my first burger.
His random dancing and singing in public.
Being serenaded while lifting.
Our thinking being so in sync I finish his sentences.
Discovering Marco Polo.
Learning to disc golf.
Deciding "Puddles" is the only form of dedicated Duck fan naming possible for humans or animals.
Making fun of bad gym form.
Watching him teach puddles to like other dogs.
Leaving work to take me to the ER.
His driving 45 minutes each way to see me in Corvallis.
Eating Vietnamese on December 10, 2011
Him using heart rate monitors as an excuse to talk to me.
His unparalleled fashion.
I bring to you, a mini collage of songs that fit this time, my thoughts, and who we were. Us being friends? Not sure if I can do that yet, but it'll be decided.
Lately, emotionally, I've been in 1,000,000 pieces. I'm not going to expend the energy necessary to recall all of the issues, but mostly man related. We're going LONG bouts without seeing each other, and I'm struggling immensely with it. Then others' dissatisfaction with our relationship, and it's timing. I end up feeling not unwanted, just not wanted. So, we're still holding on, but it's taking a whole lot out of me.
I'm back in the gym full time, cutting, unsuccessfully. Loving my gym time these days; though I've never liked leg days! After stopping then restarting, my body has changed shapes a couple of times, which I'm glad it's coming back to where it was. The non lifter body made me extremely insecure, in addition to feeling stuffed constantly.
I have the end of this week, and next at my current job, then I'm officially free. I found a new one, or two. One I for sure have; it's 8 hours a week cleaning someones house. I'm not a cleaner really, but it pays well, and it's not a lot of hours. However, I do want more hours, so I continued to apply, and was blessed to get an interview for a catering server position just 2 miles from where I live. Save gas, make more than I did at my last full time job, and this one has very flexible hours/schedules. I can be as busy, or as slow, as I choose. I start school on Tuesday as well, which I'm very much looking forward to!
As far as friends go, I've befriended my lower neighbor, and we are strong dog walking buddies, and we jog as well. It gives me social interaction, gives Puddles some exercise, and me some cardio. She's a little older than I, but we're in the same situation with school/work.
I'm hanging in there as strong as I can :-)
A lot has gone on. A lot. My hand has halted lifting, caused a lot of issues at work, and has inconvenienced my life. I've been to Seattle, WA, I've been through not so great times in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I've cried at work, and felt beaten down.
My relationship is good. Everyone has issues in theirs, and we're learning very well how to deal with them in a manor that is constructive. We go on dates a lot, and I'm there to support his work triumphs and his physical wins. Our beloved child, Puddles, loves us very much. He stays off his leash, he's house trained, he comes when we call, and he loved my road trip I took him on to WA.
Lifting, I'm scared to go back after such a hiatus, my lifts, stamina, all will be down; I've recomped to higher fat, and I'm feeling fairly awful these days. You do what you can to work through it, and you keep your eye on the future. Tight clothes, constant bloating, bad cardio endurance, you name it, I'm feeling it, and it's a feeling that's indescribable.
Recently I took a trip to Seattle WA to visit friends I grew up with. I enjoyed, didn't fret, and it was something I needed. I delved into seafood, I devoured ice cream, and I downed pizza. A short drive from me, and well worth it. Work is taking my liveliness and my spirit, and running it into the ground. I give my all, and I'm often put down by my manager. People are starting to notice as well. Yes, my hand has inconvenienced her, but I'm a person, and I can't help this particular thing. I'd like to leave, but the having to job search again isn't enticing.
Seafood Boil @ Crab Pot
Peppermint Paddy, Bonanaza, and Hazelnut Brittle w/ chocolate Gonache Ice creams and a Palmier
Lebanese Pita
Chicken Breast w/caramelized onions Sammy @ Paseo, Seattle
So my job is HARD. My last job could be, but I've never done something like this. Something else about it, it doesn't support me. So I work hard, become stressed, and even more stressed because finances get tighter and training gets worse due to exhaustion.
Yesterday, I made the decision to go back into school. What does this mean? My entire finances are covered. I still work to pay off the difference between in state and out of state, and I work to save up what I've spent. This is the biggest stress reliever I've had since I moved. The move has been much more seamless than I anticipated. I love it here, and I literally can now complain about nothing. Hand? Relationship? Money? Hating work? Well, the hand is my own fault, and it's healing so well! Relationship... I'm so much more understanding about work, I mean, he came and did the dishes after we ate.... could I ask for more? Nope. Money? I'm now adequately taken care of, and I still have income. Hating work? I so.. and I'm applying elsewhere, but so many people don't have jobs, enjoyable coworkers, etc. It'll be ok.
Training is going. Slower with this injury, but like I said, self caused. So I train with adaptions. I'm still reverse dieting, still refeeding, super happy with it all.
I have this thing about dressing up. Since it's rare I get to, I love to. SO, this week is "restaurant week" in Salem, so Saturday Travis and I are dressing up and hitting a fancy restaurant for about half price. Super excited, and it's a 3 course meal!
I'm brief because it's super hard to type :-)
So.... A lot's been going on since I last spoke. July 26 I moved from Corvallis to Salem. It was an incredibly rushed day as I had to be at work training that day as well, and everything didn't fit into my moving truck. "Towner" and "Brandon" moved me, and yes... that's his real name! That same day, during my dinner break at work, I located a body building teammate who I'd never met, that was stranded in the same city in which I work.
I picked up Blake, he waited while I finished, and I took him to my box filled apartment. This boy.... was a blessing I couldn't have imagined. First off, I didn't have to stay alone in a new place. I did in the first apartment, but it's hard, and it doesn't feel homie with boxes everywhere. He happened to be a morning person, and I feel like I met the best friend I always wanted hah! He pretty much completely unpacked me, we lifted, made burgers, just chilled. He went home Sunday morning, also the planned celebration day for my birthday the following day as Travis works Mondays. Sunday didn't at all go as planned, and was quite a tough day emotionally. Monday came, I hit up Cheesecake Factory with my brother and travis, and had a wonderful lunch. Both Sunday and Monday, I indulged in what ever I wanted, and it was great. I had vietnamese Tacos, and my mom and sister celebrated from TN; Blake also celebrated from WA!
I worked again starting that Wednesday, the same day Travis left town unexpectedly. Work... oh I cried after every shift. It's a two person job, that they only want to pay one for. It's rushing non stop, and it's just pure exhausting. Travis' phone died, so I was left to just be with myself Thursday-Sunday. I think it was a great thing to happen. After the birthday mishap, and work really stressing me out, it was kind of like pushing an emotional reset button. Come Saturday and Sunday, I was doing well at adjusting to work. I'm currently working 4 days a week, and all days. It's hard to find the energy to hit the gym, but I get nights off to do things I need to, cook, see my boyfriend. It's a very great set up!
Yesterday, when I finally did get to talk to and see Travis, he epically surprised me by taking me to the restaurant I wanted to go to for my birthday that ended up being closed. He then fixed my lamp, set up some speakers, and it was a glorious night! Now, I have 3 more days of work this week, 2 more days in the gym, things to hang on the walls at home, and a whole lot of smiling to do!
Relationships aren’t easy. It’s common knowledge that I haven’t been in any other than the one I’m currently in, and I’ve failed to maintain it once before. The first round, wasn’t really in person. It was a long distance thing, that was barely dating, but it was. Having never done the high school thing, or the college thing, where they’re like ....a warm up for the serious things, I’ve kind of just jumped into the relationship ocean, caused as many big waves as possible, and hoped I don’t drown. Currently, I’m holding onto the large piece of wood.... think Titanic here. Moving is a majorly high stress thing by itself. Now let’s add a 4 day drive with your boyfriend. Oh, and let’s add new born relationship to it too. We both had previously acknowledged that this would be a big change for us both, but didn’t know what to expect until we were swimming towards the large piece of wood. Moving has put me into not only an emotional state, but an emotionally vulnerable one, and a slight depression. The first time I moved, a large depression occurred - even though I had plenty of family with me. I’m happy I’ve been able to adjust so well, but the heightened emotions has made the relationship a massive struggle. For 2.5 weeks, I couldn’t recognize where he made effort, the effects this had on him, sacrifices he had to make, or what he really meant when he said something overly direct. Once I’ve realized what’s happening, I can now see and acknowledge these things. Changing from an internet to a face-to-face relationship, is hard. You have to learn their facial expressions, different tones, body language, energy levels, etc. I’m slowly catching these things, and he’s catching on to mine, but the amount of sacrifice and effort is phenomenal. We both admitted today that we must want this an awful lot, because we’re working excruciatingly hard to get it right. Plenty of times have I had to wait to reply to something because if I did right then, it would be an “I’m Through!!!!” haha.
How did it start? Some are shameful of the fact that they met online, but our story is a little fun! We were both losing weight, or tracking calories on a website. His picture was a shirtless one, which grabbed my attention, and he was awfully rude towards the people on the forums, which I thought was kind of ballsy, and he knew his info. I would follow him and read his posts, and learn. I added him, we exchanged random messages, nothing I didn’t do with multiple other people there. I remember clearly that heart jump when I received an e-mail that he had sent me a message or commented on something. The thought was “The hottest dude on my list is talking to me... OMG!” I once posted a quote “You got so much definition you’re like a dictionary” or something along those lines. Not long after, he posts his first back shot, saying “An ode to you, the dictionary”.
One day a couple months after the add, I get a message about my heart rate monitor. Brand? Cost? Reliability? That strand of messages went on a very long time. March 29, 2011, I went to a Preds game, and told him I would show him but I had no way to. All just a plan to get his number. It worked. I later found out that he could’ve cared less about the HRM, just wanted to talk to me. Sneaky nonetheless! Plus, he ended up buying one.... so not a total loss!
We texted for 8 months, then I flew out. At first, I was very taken back by him. He came across as conceited, and just ....weird. I didn’t understand his humor at all, but it made me want to figure it out. We’ve been through multiple life occurrences together. Before we ever dated, I had decided I was taken. He picked me up at the airport, we got vietnamese, and now we’re here. Communication is so important. And patience.
I didn't move here just to be with him, in fact I remember telling my mom I didn't want to live near him because I was worried he would try to date me. The irony now! I'm glad I'm here though, he does a lot of good for me, and teaches me so many things on how to make sure those around you are happy, and to think about more than yourself, the consequences of your actions, conflict resolution, what it's like to not judge, or be judged. He gives me hugs when I'm ready to cry, he looks me in the eye and tells me it'll be ok, and it works wonders every time. I'm so glad I never lived the dating scene when I was in high school, and had plenty of time to consider what I like before I met someone. I see people lie about their interests, their pasts, and what they see in the future to impress or catch someone. Sure, things could've been faked on the internet, but they weren't. We have pet peeves about each other, or issues, what ever you choose to label them. I magically speak quieter when I'm around him, and he has an uncanny ability to take my words and turn them around. Ok, he's a lawyer, I guess that's foreseeable, but that doesn't make it easier to handle. I observe people who are in relationships when I'm in public, the elderly and the teenage, and we're just like everyone else! However, every relationship has a history, and no one has ours, it's unique to us. No one has the man I have, and gets to experience him the way I do, and that.... is what makes it much more wonderful to experience.
I had all these words I wanted to write, and now that I'm here, I can't remember them in as awesome of depth as I had prepared. I've been going through emotional roller coasters, which strains a relationship, and strains a soul. Moving was something that knocked me into a depression 5 years ago, and while it's been much easier this time, I feel as though I quickly downplayed it's impact. I'm learning very quickly how to be proactive in the emotions of loneliness I almost always can predict, by riding my bike where people are, or just finding things that need to be done like dishes and laundry.
I'm happy I'm here, but it'd do me good for work to come on and to get into my new place. Both of which, fortunately, are supposed to be happening within the end of the month. I've started eating meat, and I was so close to my goal weight for my cut until an eat out. I'm hoping it drops back down as I will start reverse dieting in 2 weeks. I love cutting, but I hate the lack of strength, the desire to eat that cookie and can't, and the feeling that cardio is a must.
In my boredom, and my loneliness, I'm not nice. I get a text that's a greeting to start my day, and I'm thinking "why aren't you saying more" or, "why don't you ask about my day" etc, instead of the appreciation that I got the text. I look at everything said negatively unless it's deliberate encouragement, and I have no appreciation for the amount of time the only person I have spends with me. I can't stand that it's who I come out as right now, and I hate that I can't change my actions in the moment.
Travis and I went to the place our first date was, not in a moment of reminiscing and sentimentality, but because their food was awesome. Sure, to me, it meant something, but he'd been there multiple times since I left, so it wasn't much to him. But anyways, in this picture, I saw the person I was when I was at my old gym, and the person I remember as the fun, happy, go get it Jenn.
I remember driving through Wyoming, and in my exhaustion, and stress, and slight frustration, the words "Our first sunset together" came out of that mans mouth. It's so obvious to me that I'm the problem in my own way, in our way, and in every way, but it's so hard to fix it. I went to see Katy Perry's movie yesterday, and she said something like "I have this idea, that if you give it your all and you go for what you want, it will be successful. But I gave it everything I should've, and did everything I should've, and it still didn't work." It was just something that reminded me, that you can't always make things what you want them. Yea, you can try, but that doesn't mean that it's always going to happen or work how you want. I sometimes fall into the same trap of thinking, and when something doesn't turn out as I thought it was going to, because I tried to make it as hard as I could, I feel as though I failed, I didn't give enough, or I should've done more. When it doesn't. always. Work.
Fortunately, at this point, I'm doing OK. Sure, financially I'm freaking out on the inside, but I feel like I'm home, just like I was in TN. I applied for a dining aid at an assisted living place, which I would love as it's slower paced but still the people, and I'm still waiting to hear from my Ruby T, and I applied many other places, but those are the two I'd like the most.
My parents have left, I don't have a job, I move in 3 weeks to Salem, and I know no one in my town. It's the 4th, and I wish I had people to cook out with, but it can't all be perfect. I was going to go for a bike ride, but my crazy french valved tires aren't cooperating with being filled. I might make a cheesecake, or go for a walk, or just be lazy. I feel like I'm always lazy if I'm not working or working out, but again, it can't all be perfect. I'm going to keep on pressing the two jobs I desire the most, and keep applying. There's something out there somewhere waiting for me, and I'm going to find it.
This next move I feel will be much harder than the first. Not in friendlessness, or joblessness, but in the actual move. The move to Salem will be the last for a long time, and I'll have to set up internet, electronics, shelves, arrange furniture, unpack everything, and finish the moving process for good. I don't want to imply that this scares me or something, but it's stuff I can't do alone. I can't attach the shelves to the walls, I can't move furniture alone so well, and unpacking is a massive emotional and time consuming feat. I have to call movers, power companies, cable companies, and repack anything I've unpacked before I leave for Sacramento the 23. I know it will get done, and Travis is there to help on the other end receiving and unpacking, but still a lot to get done.
I feel though, as soon as a job is settled, much peace will be found. A job is an outlet to meet people, a means to a living, and a time filler. All of those are things I need right now, so it's my biggest concern. I go to a gym in Salem, I know people here in Oregon, and I don't feel completely lonely. I also have a new stereo to do my dancing alone, I have a kitchen table to fill that space in my new place, and I have a back up plan if money doesn't come through. Though I want more than anything to be able to succeed at supporting myself. My parents are positive it's going to happen, and I'm just pushing on doing what I can to make it so.
My relationship with Travis has meshed better than I thought, though I still thought it would mesh well before I started the move, once we started it together, I wasn't sure where it was going to go. Words like "we'll try" were used rather than the "let's do it" that I was used to. However now, we seem well adjusted to having the other person much closer, and the limitations placed on our time via work and just life in general. A healthy balance is fast in the making, and the adjustment from all texting to actual physical time is going well. We play disk golf, hit the gym, eat, things "normal" people would do that we've never really gotten to do together.
Now to adjust to living spending less than I'm used to. Not that I was a major spender before, but just have to learn to be careful. A great opportunity before I have to do it permanently.
I feel as though, my life is in a normal for the next about month. I have a home, a TON of food, I've rearranged so you can walk, we set up my bed, I'm supposed to start work this week, and I know where I'll be tomorrow. And next month. I can eat to hit my macros, I can workout when I want, and I can get on Bodybuilding when I feel friendless. I'm settled for now, but in exactly 3 weeks, I have to pack up again, and move to Salem. While this hurts my wallet, I'll be in a great location just like now, and in a place my parents and I are more comfortable with.
Tuesday my parents head back to TN, and while I'm very sad I won't have them here, I'm not jealous of being there. It's SO hot there, and not even 70 here. I'm very happy with the decision I made, but I know very well that there will be mood swings very quickly until I find people that remember my name, and that I can get to know. It's the same when you move anywhere, but this is the first time I've moved away from the people I know. Sure, I have a boyfriend that will be 5 miles from me, but he has a life too. He works, and has family and friends. I have to find those things for myself here. I cry, and I'm happy, and I just try to change what I'm doing when I find myself feeling down.
My parents pulled out the blessing bomber this weekend. I wasn't expecting anything as I shared with them the different things I have arranged and the circumstances. My new gym doesn't allow the use of their stereo system, and I used the Y's to dance alone. I planned to take the money they will give me back after doing 10 cardio classes and buying some speakers for my phone. Also, restocking all the food I've used up so I could move, is expensive. Third, I'm unpacking as little as I can as I have to repack in 3 weeks. Fourth, my new place has a fan over the dining room for your dining room table, which I never had since I use my computer desk. The next day, my parents told me they were taking me to buy what ever food I wanted, a kitchen table, and a stereo to dance with. I was in such shock, and overly thankful for their blessings. I never saw it coming. You know how sometimes you tell your parents something in hopes they'll get it for you since you can't, or they'll help you out? I've done it. We've probably all done it. This wasn't that, this was me sharing how things are going and coming, and they just surprised me.
On a random note, we all know I met my BF online about 19 months ago. No one except me had met him in person until the 20th of June, 2012. When meeting someone online, that in person contact with people you know is vital. It brings an accountability for their actions, and it gives you a chance to get others' opinions on this person as well. Even before they met him, my parents adored Travis. I knew they would like him, but I had no idea it would be this much. They talk about it a lot, and he likes them as well. It's a great feeling to have the approval of those so close to you, but it definitely has taken me by surprise. Another helpful part of it, is that my mom can watch him, and hear him, and get to know him, and she's able to make educated assessments of what's really going on, or alternative ways things may be meant as she knows how he acts and thinks.
I'm still kicking here in Oregon! My parents arrived late Tuesday night, after missing their flight. When they saw where I was currently living they were definitely no wanting me to stay here. Which I'm cool with since I find it a little scary myself. It's cute, and could be fun for an experience, but not great. I'm headed to start my new job next week, and hopefully find a temporary gym and a small routine should happen. I'll move out in a month, and the new place has a W/D, and is very close to many things for walking, which is exactly what I didn't want to leave here. Yes, it costs more, and yes it's no where near my job, and I'm worried about not finding employment there, but it's a year, and I can make it a year.
Since Monday, I'm up in weight and I don't feel so awesome. That vacation fat whale effect. I'm very ready to open my kitchen, set up my bed, and have stuff out and in sight and useable. There is a grocery store at the end of my road that is absolutely epic. It's got heaps of options, like a whole foods but cheaper. The bulk section is like heaven.
A day after I moved in, Chris Davey got in. We all know I'm an internet fein, and I meet people from everywhere. Also known that I love AU, and that I go to good lengths to see and meet people. Never in my life have I had someone do the same just to meet me. I've known Chris over a year now, and we met just how me and Travis did, Myfitnesspal. We're both foodies, and we both lift, and we both are just happy people. You never know how a person is going to be different between the internet and in person, and rarely do I get nervous when I'm about to do such a thing. (I wasn't here). There's so much to be learned about and from people from other cultures! I was greeted by a stylish man with very bright blue eyes, and a slight accent. Not much taller than I, a quiet talker, with a radiant smile and a soft soul. Most of the population talks the same, and their heart can't be told through their voice, but Chris' tone and volume feel like a tiny window into his true intentions. Unusual, no?
Chris, my parents, and I, ventured into the city to check out the food truck lot, which I loved so much in December. It was just as impressive to them as it had been to me. I went with a Yellow curry, after introducing him to Ethiopian Injera, and he got an Argentinian Empanada and then went back for a full Ethiopian experience. The rents also endeavored into Ethiopian - something everyone should taste! We then went to "Made in Oregon" to get his Oregon shot glass to add to the states collection he's acquired, then hit the bus to a gym in Milwaukee. We lifted, rode back into Portland, and headed to Voodoo Donuts! 2 hours later, we were at Market of Choice, back in Corvallis to get more Arctic Zero - only after we taste tested the frozen yogurt next door without buying any. Market of Choice was a beauty we discovered the day before. Comparable to a Whole Foods, except cheaper. It's within walking distance to my current apartment, but there's not going to be one in Salem unfortunately. We both bought loads of stuff the day prior, but just went back for Arctic Zero round two.
Today we're disk golfing, buying him luggage for all the food he's acquired, turning in my lease termination papers, buying more groceries, making waffle ...or pancakes... and unpacking some kitchen!
Well. It’s done. I now have an address in Corvallis Oregon. Thursday, June 21, 2012, my boyfriend Travis and I started a long and exhausting journey across the country. I’d been to KY, but never Idaho, Utah, Nebraska, Missouri, or Illinois. We had fun taking pictures in random places, in different states, we only had a time-wasting endeavor once, and I made it 250 miles consecutively before having to hand over the wheel. As the days went on, the less I wanted to do at once, I became more and more tired, while he wanted to do a tank at a time (~4.5 hours) to speed things up. We only sat down to eat once, and we filled up approximately 7 times the entire trip. We found pumps that had limits of $90, $100, $110, $99, everything you can think of. We stayed in okay hotels and old timey decorated yet spectacular. We ....he mostly.... went through an entire ‘family size’ bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. We had to drive on the other side of the interstate due to road work 3 times in 2 days, and we hit rush hour once, in MO. We made it until the last day without biting each other’s head off, and I had my first or first 3 carbonated beverages in 30 months.
It all started with my first set of movers who A) were sweet as could be, B) took an hour extra because they talked so much, and C) were the stereotype of Tn. I have yet to open boxes and asses damage to my belongings, but they were moderately gentle with it all. Wednesday night was a mini Mexican get together for dinner, and Thursday morning was an entire other issue. My car bumper was hitting on the dolly, thus requiring modifications to make it sit higher. 2 hours later leaving than expected, and a nervous wreck, we made it to Mo that night. Due to zero water intake, we both landed in dehydrationville by the end. I cried twice during the drive, once after I left Travis at his car, and a ton at the hotel my first night here.
Monday, I was supposed to meet the management group at 9:30 and get my keys, then the movers at 11. I couldn’t take the car off the dolly alone, and couldn’t back up. Which I ended up in a mini pickle. Luckily, the plan was for Travis to drive down and help me take it off the dolly, so when he got there, we decided to go get the keys first, after I had tried to call the people for an hour. We get there, and they’re not open. they were supposed to open an hour earlier, and there was now a line outside. A dear friend was working from the islands to get things right, and Travis and I watched the door to see when someone arrived. Eventually someone did, I got my keys, we went back, walked it, and well.... it’s cute, but not what I’m used to. I went to my new job to check it out, and found I’ll probably need a second. I then thought, why not go ahead and move closer to school, where I can afford a nicer apartment, and job search there? So while I’m not making any decision now, I’m also unpacking the least amount possible until I can check out options there.
One thing though, is my location couldn’t be better. I can walk EVERYWHERE. Restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations, bus stops, barbers, clothing stores, craft stores, starbucks, you name it, I can walk there. Location being prime is something I’ve always wanted, therefore, I’m waiting for my parents to arrive to make the stronger judgments as to what the best next move is. For now, I’m on a mattress on the floor, and surrounded by boxes. It’s not my normal, and I’m not as comfortable as I could be, but I’m happy in this moment. A lot of prayer has gone into everything I’ve done to get where I am, and a lot of doors have opened, which leaves me with no doubts that what needs to happen will happen.
I prayed last night in my extreme exhaustion and loneliness, that I would quickly be reminded why I loved it here to begin with. The scenery and the friendliness. Today, it was beautiful and I saw sun and sprinkles. I also encountered many people who were smiling and greeted me, and were just loving in the way they spoke and their tone. Heck, the movers today drove my Budget truck to the place and didn’t charge me for the extra 30 minutes I had them. TN is known for it’s hospitality, yet the man handing out veggie burgers at Trader Joe’s thought I was homeless when I said home is where the heart is right now, and was going to offer me his couch. You haven’t seen hospitality and kindness in Tn.
I’ll have hard days, and I’ll have happy days, and I’ll be faced with new experiences and big decisions, but I won’t look back and wish I had stayed. This is where I want to be, and I’m so glad I did what I did. Some days I won’t be so glad, and I’ll feel so alone, but the people that make the effort in those moments, help me enough to remember this is what makes me happy. Being here, with the man that makes me happy, and a new world waiting for me.
As I was driving home from work last night, something occurred that made me think to myself "When someone chooses to exit your life, they don't understand the impact it has on you." Then I quickly also realized, I wonder if I'm doing that to anyone in this process. My word choice there is crucial. Chooses to Exit. We're not talking about keeping in touch, we're talking about making a conscious decision to not be part of someone's life. While I'm not deliberately choosing to unfriend anyone, I very well know from my last long distance move, that this will be inevitable and it's ok. I'm not good at keeping in touch with people that don't make an effort to keep in touch as well, and I don't care to chase people to hear how they're doing when they have no desire to share it with me. I lurk, facebook stalk people to keep up with their lives, but there isn't always something to be said. ..I'm just rambling.
Today is my last down day before the partying starts, thank God. Yesterday was great; I hit the gym with a friend, packed a ton with my mom, the whole ...eating lunch on the floor because everywhere is covered with crap awesomeness, worked and enjoyed it. Tomorrow, I work twice and I lift, Sunday I work and my parents are coming over to pack all my electronics, and it's my last day here. Monday, I pick up the moving truck, wash towels and bedding, pack anything left, dance, lift, fix my car insurance, Tuesday the movers come to move everything into my truck, I lift, I dance, I tan. Wednesday, I lift, I get to clean the whole apartment and do a walk through to make sure it's clean, and I pick up Travis who is driving with me, then a farewell dinner with the most special people to me. Thursday morning, I lift and leave. It'll take 4 days to drive, we'll stop in Kansas City, Missouri, Sidney NE, and Twin Falls Idaho. None of which I've ever been to. I'll end in Portland, Or, spending the night with my brother, then heading down Monday morning to get my keys and move in! My parents and friend from AU come in Tuesday, so the only thing I will get unpacked most likely, is my bed and my kitchen. My parents are rushing off to WA while I hang with my friend, then they come back to hang things and set up my TV, etc. As soon as they leave, I start work at my new job, so who knows when unpacking will occur. Not sure when internet will happen or anything like that. But groceries will quickly be bought, and a shower curtain! Protein bars and powerade zero have been bought, casein has been weighed, trying to be good.
To my excitement, work, the grocery store, the bus stop, home depot, and starbucks are all within walking distance. Also, there are 3 vegetarian restaurants within 2 miles. Epicness. As far as my cut, it's of course still on, un sure how I'll do through the 2 weeks of madness, but last time I was in OR, I lost 2lb, so who knows! That was including a voodoo donuts trip ;) My excitement is strong. Just anticipation shadowing me!
