Once Again - Shake It Out.

     Tonight, I lost a little bit of myself. They say you never forget your first love, and you always hold them in your heart. I can now attest to those truths. As previously mentioned, we've been hitting speed bumps, and just when we hoped to fix them, more came. Some strong truth was admitted, plenty of tears have been shed, and I hurt. I don't feel rejected, but that doesn't mean there's not a lot of pain. I'll always wish I could've made it work, I'll always wish I could take back all those times I said things I didn't mean, and I'll always know that if I didn't live like I have, I wouldn't have gotten to experience what true happiness is.
     Is he hurting? I won't ever know. As I sat across from him, all I could think about when I responded, was to not make him feel bad for expressing the truth. Sometimes, no matter how much pain you feel, the other person still takes precedence. Part of me hurts because no one in his life will ever know I existed, and that he had someone looking at him saying they love him.
     I reminisce about the things that warmed my heart, brought a smile to my face, reminded me how perfect people are, and shaped bits of me:

I never lived down the moment passing the famous Maltnomah falls, completely exhausted and offended about nothing important, refusing to look at them.

The DQ blizzards he loved to walk to get.

His willingness to indulge in dressing up more than necessary.

His "I want you"'s
Cooking my first burger.

His random dancing and singing in public.

Being serenaded while lifting.

Our thinking being so in sync I finish his sentences.

Discovering Marco Polo.

Learning to disc golf.

Deciding "Puddles" is the only form of dedicated Duck fan naming possible for humans or animals.

Making fun of bad gym form.

Watching him teach puddles to like other dogs.

Leaving work to take me to the ER.

His driving 45 minutes each way to see me in Corvallis.

Eating Vietnamese on December 10, 2011

Him using heart rate monitors as an excuse to talk to me.

His unparalleled fashion.

     I bring to you, a mini collage of songs that fit this time, my thoughts, and who we were. Us being friends? Not sure if I can do that yet, but it'll be decided.

Us.