As all of Facebook now knows, I've randomly become a reader. Facebook (and everyone that knows me) also knows I'm open. I've seen what being able to relate does to people, and I have no issues sharing my life. This year has brought a multitude of growth, both mentally and emotionally. I've heard many-a-time that college is where we find ourselves, and I can't admit that I disagree, but I can admit that it hasn't helped me find myself in anyway.
I've never been involved in my schools' hoopla they have; parties, sororities, the stuff that they say makes you successful in college and looks good on any resume. I'm social, but to an extent. I easily find my inadequacies, and I easily get bored at large social events where I know I won't be engaged. Perhaps in some ways I have already found bits of myself in learning these things. I knew when I did my first college tour of the school I knew I was going to, I was never going to get a job because my resume would suck.
Now, after strong growth spirts, I can tell you first hand, that changing your mind is A OK! When I first met my buddy, JC Deen, I thought .....this guy is crazy! It's working for him somehow, but he's going to end up homeless because he never finished his degree. Well let me tell you, that after being encouraged to follow my desires instead of society, life couldn't be more perfect. Every time I come to these crossroads in finding myself, I generally make the decision I'm advised by the majority not to make. Be it quitting school after 2 days, moving across the country, or dating online. I've always been strong willed, and willing to fail to get it right eventually. I haven't failed myself yet really.
Why did I mention the reading to begin with? Well, I'm walking right toward the next crossroads of my life. I'm generally seen as making life decisions on the fly and emotionally stacking them. Well, maybe I do, maybe I don't, but it's working for me folks. If I backed out of moving, well, I would've missed out on absolutely amazing moments and opportunities. Reading, right. I've been solely reading personal accounts of war memories and experiences. I wouldn't be able to stand reading them if I knew they were fiction. Why does something that never occurred matter to me in any capacity?
I write today with a very tired mind, and lazy eyes, as my days recently have been spent working my mind to death to find some semblance of a turn signal. I'm sure you may have an idea where I'm going with the books and the crossroads combined. Yes, I'm strongly compelled to actually do something with my life. I can't perform the duties I'm learning about, personally or legally, but I can serve in other capacities. I'm researching, learning, asking, and mentally disputing. There's advantages and disadvantages to serving your country, neither weighing heavier than the other at this moment. I see freedom from a few I'm burdening, but I also see the captivity of their emotions rather than their finances. I see personal independence, but I also see the commitment. No hasty decisions from this one.
If I chose to take this route, I'd feel important to something, smart, helpful, and I'd have to alter my body to fit certain regulations. Little did I know in 8th grade that 4 years down the road I would be wishing I hadn't altered my body and that it could hinder me from employment.
Does deployment scare me? No. Does physical training scare me? No. Does failing someone when they need me most? Yes. I can entirely understand the intense commitment and dedication by those who serve for us daily. I'd be the same way. I find the business and physical aspects rather appealing. For now, I mull, I wait, and I talk, until some decision feels more clear than another to me.
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