Learning To Date Well. Part 2.

     Decisions in relationships don't weigh heavy on me because I feel it's a big decision necessarily, but because I'm dealing with someone else's feelings, and you never truly know how much of an impact you have on someone. When someone approaches me with an issue within a relationship, I feel like I should be working harder to fix it, (When approached in a non malicious manor.) and that I'm letting them down sometimes, but I look at their issues objectively, and try to be understanding. In other words, I look at myself with a magnifying glass, and them with a camera. How does that analogy work? I'm constantly zoomed in and analyzing what I'm doing, but their actions I zoom in on, but also look at a big picture. The day I got broken up with, I said this:

                   As I sat across from him, all I could think about when I responded, was to not make him feel bad for expressing the truth. Sometimes, no matter how much pain you feel, the other person still takes precedence.

      It may sound somewhat selfless to do such a thing, but when it comes down to it, you find yourself stuck in things because you don't want to hurt someone leaving. There's tactics to close something off in a way that's less hurtful to the closer, like letting it fade. This sounds like a fantastic idea, until I remember that was done to me and it was confusing and hurtful because he couldn't confront me and say what was going on. But he thought he didn't have to see me hurt face to face, so it was ok. The second tactic I know of, which has no benefits to the closer, and hopefully some to the one being closed (lol), is straight up confrontation. What makes that the hardest for the closer, is that they're seeing the emotion, perhaps they're even finding themselves being talked out of shutting it all down. That's the right way to go, but the hardest as you have to deal with the situation.
     In this time in electronics, face to face communication, or even talking on the phone, is a lost cause. People have lost the ability to handle confrontation. And I'm right there with them. In fact, when I starting a certain dating relationship, I said to them that one of my favorite things about them, was that they call. You hear their voice, the fluctuations in tone, and know how they feel when you say something. Now, when I stand at a hill with a crossroads on it, I want to do the same thing that hurt me before, when in reality, taking the step to be confrontational will build that skill.
     It's like speech class. We all hate it, but the only way to improve our ability to give a speech, is to do it. Same with sit ups, or how well we can handle a food competition. What makes these things even worse, (the confrontations, not feeling stuffed) is that there often are times, when the person is great, and you feel as though expressing yourself will make them feel inadequate. Am I soft? Maybe. Do I feel bad about it? No, it's part of learning and maturing. I have to learn that standing up for what I need isn't wrong.
     Part of learning to date well, is learning the proper way to express your feelings, opinions, needs, and desires, in a way that can be perceived well, and a way that is constructive. Perhaps things you say to someone now, will help them in a future relationship, because they can identify something they did wrong and work on that. Second, confrontation. If you can't be open, and say how you feel or what you need, not only will things get worse as they don't know they're not giving you what you need, but you're building a foundation on a lack of information and maybe even a little bit of deception. They think you're doing great, happy, when in reality, you're dying on the inside. You're doing both of you a disservice.