Learning Who We Are and Who We Were.

     I started a conversation today with a friend I don't talk to very often, and I was reminded of their opinion of me in very few words. Something along the lines of "Crazy! ... That you're so young!" I recalled former e-mails and things they had said, then remembered how old I was when I first met them. They read this very blog and pushed me to think deeper, while applauding me for trying to be insightful at the same time. Those people that guide us without intending to do so, and help us discover ourselves by just being themselves, are magical.
     I often look back at who I was 4 years ago and wonder what shaped my thinking process and what pushed me to become who I was at that age. Someone recently called me an old soul after meeting me for the first time, and I wonder if it's caused by the same thing that makes some children great speakers and some "normal". You know, those kids that have massive vocabularies and merely speak like adults at the age of 2 versus the usual amount of words and communication skills? They spend their time around adults and are treated not as an infant and they pick up on those characteristics. Perhaps an old soul is just raised differently, or they have been surrounded by old souls themselves.
     Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this. But I find how we came to act, think, and speak as we do, and what did truly form how we come to conclusions to be something worth thinking on. Sure, our experiences shape our rationals and our future decisions, but do the people we surround ourselves with also shape them? Our parents obviously do, but do their friends? How much stock do you put into the adults you surround yourself with while with your children?
     I'm continuously being presented with new decisions, many of which I really don't want to have to decide, I want to pretend I'm a teenager with no responsibilities. Moving, money, cars, trips, I feel kind of like I'm watching someone else make the decision and I reap consequences - good or bad. I had this thought yesterday, that the biggest area of self improvement we neglect, is communication.
     I've learned through communication growing up that I lack communication. I realize looking back how different situations could've been if there had been better communication. People do self examination for many things; appearance, anger, patience, but where is communication on that list? Perhaps it's the root of a lot of those issue we are trying to address. Barring appearance obviously. Growing up my sister had pretty much one hobby, horses. Me, well, I jumped from thing to thing, waiting to find something that I wanted to do forever, and enjoying being able to say that I had tried something. It really helps you relate to people, or strike up conversation, more opportunities to have things in common. I did horses too for a while, and it wasn't until I was 17 I held fast onto something. Lifting. I'm not wonder woman, super lean, nor do I know all there is to know, but it's something I enjoy dedicating time to. Every time I had some kind of victory in a deadlift or a squat, or what have you, my parent's response tended to be "please be careful". Once I moved away, I was able to express how hard it had been for me that they would go to horse shows and dedicate time to watching my sister work with her horses, but never came to see my deadlift, and never invested time into the one thing I had found that fit me.
     I then learned, that it wasn't that they didn't CARE, it's that they didn't KNOW. How will someone know something if you do not express it? I now know to tell her these things. I'm about to head home, and I want to sky dive while I'm home. I had said I wanted to, and once it sounded like it was getting lost in plans, I said directly "This means something to me, and I want you to see what I love to do. Please make sure we leave time for it." That's all it took. I have two similar examples. Over Thanksgiving, a friend's granddaughter was working on writing a letter to Santa, she seemed to be a little grumpy during the few days they were together, but no one thought anything of it. Once she finally, after many interruptions got her letter done, she had an entire mood change. That's when every soul in the house realized how much that letter meant to her and they wished they knew and could've treated it with more importance earlier on. Lastly, on a "hints don't work" note, a friend attempted to hint their likeness towards me, and when I was told directly I was surprised. Someone else's response was "you didn't know...?" Not if you don't tell me. Which is what I replied to them.
     Society like to joke about how women assume men know what is going on in a woman's head, when of course they do not. However society fails to teach us that this isn't just romantically specific. Parents nor friends can read minds either. Thus, if it's one things I'm learning, it is to learn to communicate.