Self Esteem Before and After Basic Training.

     The day before I shipped, I hit a weight high in a while after binging on a box.. or two.. of holiday poptarts. Why? Well BCT is supposed to get you in the best shape of your life. I'll burn it off. I'm sorry, since when do we plan on burning off a binge? I'm sharing with you what I decided to write to myself. It tells you how I felt about myself, and how I looked at myself.

Dear soldier,

I write to you on your last day before you enter the soldier life and forget what being a civilian is. Today, you gorged on pop tarts. You used leaving as an excuse to eat, and sickness to lay around all day. You need help. You have a bad relationship with food, and I hope that now, as you’re back from a break, control and eating only 3 times a day is easy for you.

All you want, is to weigh under 120 pounds today, and fit into your clothes comfortably, and that is the biggest burden on your mind, yet you eat 6.5 packages of poptarts? What is wrong with you. You know you can’t diet, and you prayed today that you could even rationalize this as an attempt to speed up your metabolism, but you knew today that 3500 kcal is plain over eating. Even while you were in basic.

I hope today, that as you’ve read this, you can have peace of mind you ate healthy in basic, and did what you should’ve to treat your body well. You ate too much today, justified it, and are sick both mentally and physically. You took laxatives to try to make yourself feel better. I know that 118 means the world to me right now, but I hope you are different when you return.

I hope you train hard, eat well, don’t eat out, don’t step on the scale and go by the mirror. I hope you love yourself, and I hope you fit comfortably into your clothes and can be happy with your reflection. Men see you as attractive.... see yourself that way please. You will quickly become who you were. 128 becomes 135, and before you remember, you’re a size 14 again. You’re so happy when you’re comfortable. Control yourself. Don’t be a purger, or an anorexic, be normal, and love yourself for controlling yourself.

I hope you loved BCT, and I hope you come back knowing you have 2 months or less to look great for Kevin when he returns. Get your ass under the bar, and control your appetite. You can do this, and you’ll be proud when you did!

Civilian Wright.

     When I came home, I was a different mind set completely after a short period. I realized people like you no matter how you look. Heck I looked like a man for 4 months. I gained to 138, and yet again tried to diet. I believe I made it to 133, and that was it. I fit into 1 pair of jeans for 4 months, yes, 1 pair. I never bought poptarts again, and I realized that this issue isn't about a 4 month cut or weight loss period. It's about the next 60 years. Well.. maybe 50. When I make it to my 70's and 80's I will be happy and fat as ever. Now at a "high" 130, I'm happier than ever. I'm living like the rest of the world, I'm lifting and stronger than ever, but I gave myself a massive eye opener when I went back and read that the day I came home. I realized I needed what happened to me. Now I look at other people dieting, and usually think ...you could have it so much easier. I wish I could pinpoint the exact reason I've done a 180 with my mind set, but I have no idea. I just know that this person and this mind set is 100X's better than the old one. I live a much happier life now that I've learned what living needs to be, and what lifting needs to be in my life.