The Mysterious Mind.

     There's some new mental "feelings" or experiences I'm ...experiencing, that seem so obscure and unordinary I wonder daily what my brain is doing, in general or perhaps to itself. I'm in this dreadful place for what should be a single purpose, but has become many purposes. I get to multitask being a student, being in the Army, being a person, and being a wife. Pretty much in that order too. The most common analogy is "it's like drinking from a fire hose" and while that feeling is true, try having your mind say no thanks. As in... I can hear what people are teaching, and I can regurgitate it, but if you want me to retain it, it's like I never heard it. My mind has generally shut down. There's many ideas as to what it could be. Over saturation, distraction, depression, or lack of effort. I was worried about it being a lack of effort, so I started to put in a lot more effort. Well, if anything it seems to be worse.
     It's a hard concept to explain, really takes some auxiliary hand motions. I can study, I can get one-on-one help, you can review for 10 hours, but when you ask me a question, that's it. My mind has retained nothing. If you think of the mind as kind of a blackboard full of information as all day I do no other duty than work on linguistics, my blackboard is clean. I'm writing stuff, and a magic eraser is wiping it all off.
     When you look at many-a-people and say hey, this isn't going to happen for me, you only hope they listen. But the military is fairly convinced that if they force you into something, you will get it done. Sad to say, that the best approach to this person, is to be personable and personal. Not to jam me into what worked for your last 20 victims that were too scared to say something to you. Well, meet your best friend, the outspoken human who doesn't care what you think about my feelings, because they are mine and you wouldn't know the difference between hurt and sadness in me, because you're not me. You're you.
     So the mind is becoming it's own advocate. I physically force myself into the shape of another country (the cookie cutter), but my mind says, hey wait, I tried to tell you before I am not working right, why are you continuing to try to make me work. Well, because I was told I had to. So I now turn to my precious brain worth nearly $1,000,000 and see nothing but a hazy, empty blackboard that should be filled with verb tenses and obscure vocabulary.
     One may argue that when 3/4 of your students cannot pass, you probably are seeing a little bit of a new situation and may want to try to fix it before you let it go too far. Or maybe you have enough other minions that these are completely unimportant. 1 college semester class a week. 35 hours of class in one week. 65 vocabulary words in 3 days. Not that I blame my brain, I don't expect it to retain that much, seems a little bit of a stretch. I find no crazy coincidence that those doing the very best started on the language 4 months prior to the rest of those sucking at life.
     What is the cure? To continue to invest countless hours in and outside of work to force my brain to conform. And on the side try to remember what a custom is, and what the gym is, what courtesies are, and what a marriage is, plus what sanity and lunch for the next day are. Talk about a full plate; heck probably dinner and dessert plates.