I had no idea what I was getting into, when I got into it. We didn't live together or date consistently before we got married. I've done some active duty time myself, and well... being married to the army isn't fun. There's no certainties, there's a lot of speculation and guessing, and a lot of waiting then hurrying or hurrying then waiting. When I was active, my schedule looked something like 6AM to 6PM. Now for the person doing that schedule, they're exhausted. Then they get home, and want to be in bed a solid 9 hours before they have to wake up again. That leaves about 3 hours left in their day. What do you think I did with that time? I tried to maintain some level of fitness, and I ate, showered, etc.
So imagine being married to that person. What are the pluses to it? I know when they come home, when they leave, and what they need ready for the next day. Now, let me take you through a walk in the special ops life. What's the schedule? You never know. It could be 8-6, it could be 10-3AM the next day, it could be 8 to 8, it could be 6am to 8pm. So... you don't know when they're coming home. Heck, they don't even. It's more like when they get all the work done for the day. You don't really know what they're doing the next day, if they need food or will be fed, or the mood they're going to come home in. Who is in a great mood after a 14 or 16 hour day? What kind of time does that leave in their day? Time to sleep. They must sacrifice sleep to eat, and shower. I'm fully aware they chose that life and career, and a lot of them love it. I think it's pretty cool myself, probably only because everyone out side of that community thinks it's cool.
But... it's not really cool to be married to their job just like they are. You get a lot more than just what meets the eye with this deal! For instance, and this is more an army thing than a special ops thing, we're waiting on orders. The speculation, and guess, was we would have them last week. The reality, is we still don't. The marriage to the army for me through him means they assume I don't have a job, or a life outside of him. How do I know when to put in a notice at my job? At our living community? At the gym? ....I don't. I more like can give them about a week notice at best. My conscious is pelted with guilt on those, how it must feel to be the one I'm talking to. Of course, just like when you're young and get broken up with, and hate to tell people the news because it looks like you hop from person to person, they probably aren't nearly as bothered by it as I am.
I'm a planner, and a scheduler, complete uncertainty and it being uncontrollable, is like chaos in my mind. Oh wait.... you mean I have to work on controlling that too? Does self improvement ever end? To this day, when I come home with groceries, and the trash stinks, and the dog has a mess all in the cage and on the floor surrounding, and I need to pee, and I need lunch because it's 2pm, and I need to clean the pile of dishes from my baking excursion, I become completely overwhelmed. I am always learning how to handle the small chaos' that arise and are not in my control.
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