You Never Know What Could've Happened.

     Part of my personality, is that I want to experience everything I possibly can. When I was younger, my parents would do something fun for us, take us somewhere, etc. then I would ask "Why can't we do..... too" (or something within context), leaving my parents feeling as though I didn't appreciate what they had given me or just allowed me to experience, when in reality, I just wanted to experience everything I possibly could. It's nice when your mom turns counselor, gives her a new outlook on your responses. I've heard of children not wanting to have a pastor as a parent, a counselor as a parent, law enforcement, etc. But I've found to have my mom be a counselor, she looks at things from an angle other than one of being my mom, and is capable of giving objective advice in my life situations.
     This personality trait is what makes making decisions hard for me. Like moving; I want to be able to experience both of the places and know the outcome when I chose either. Unfortunately, the world doesn't work like that. I'd need a time machine to fulfill my complete curiosities, which of course I don't have. I had a bump in the road that made me rethink my decision to uproot, and when I started rethinking the pros/cons for either place, it was mentally exhausting. I got so overwhelmed with it, I said "easy way out please!" and decided to just stay. I'll always wonder what would've happened if I left, and I would've always wondered what would've been if I stayed.
     Part of the hard thing about staying, is my job. I love the people, but the fact that I spend time exerting effort, and make just about nothing, is extremely frustrating to me. I leave wanting to hit a punching bag because I feel as though I'm completely wasting my time. I want to, and did apply elsewhere, but when I approached my supervisor about this, she said "make the schedule you want, and I'll give it to you." Unfortunately, unless I'm hourly, I'm really not going to make much. We've become so slow it's absurd, and it's just... a waste of time.
     The things that make me happy I'm staying, are the relationships I've formed here that I will get to maintain. The weather here is amazing, while it rains a lot there. And, I don't have to pack, unpack, spend money, etc. While I would've made so much more there, I would've spent all my earnings the first year and not have been able to save until the second, which I still probably would've been able to save more than I will now, but the decision is made, and I just have to have faith that this one will take me somewhere wonderful. I've been saving very diligently for 7 months now to be able to move, and the fact that I don't have to put out the money to move, means I can get a couple things I've really wanted. I got to buy 3 pairs of tennis shoes, and the cinnamon bun protein i've wanted to try for months as well.
     My love for the state of Oregon will always be there, and since I was very much looking forward to being there, the end of June I'll be there for a vacation, taking in, and closing out that mini dream in life. I can't say I think it's going to be a completely fun and care free trip, as I feel like it will be a little bit of sadness realizing what I left behind, but there's always something better ahead. Something here I wouldn't have been able to have there, and there will always have been things there I couldn't have here. As I continue to mature, I evolve and understand how principles of life work, and my personality traits involved in such matters mature as well.